A seven day Honeymoon makes one weak
%%
A belly button is for salt when you eat celery in bed.
%%
A KGB keyboard has no <ESC> key!
%%
A big enough hammer fixes anything
%%
A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.
%%
Diplomacy is saying "nice doggy" until you find a rock.
%%
JUST ROOTIN' AROUND.
%%
*FLASH* Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
%%
This door is baroque; please call Bach later.
%%
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
%%
Nothing is ever constant, unless it is dead.
%%
Many would be cowards if they had courage enough.
%%
I had a dislocated funny bone, <OUCH> but it's better now
%%
Notice: All incoming fire has the right of way.
%%
Obesity: A surplus gone to waist.
%%
I wish Adam had died with all his ribs in his body.
%%
The Caldecott Tunnel has less traffic than that vagina.
%%
Sir Lancelot, you have chain mail in Knight's Conf
%%
I think that I'm the friendliest guy in my zipcode.
%%
Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep till noon.
%%
"God said, "Let Newton be!" and all was light." Pope
%%
The future is not what it used to be.
%%
5 1/4" floppy is not better than 3 1/2" hard.
%%
Endocannibalism: The result of a really hungry cannibal.
%%
If God lived on earth, people would break his windows.
%%
"Let's win this one and go home." - George A. Custer
%%
"Beam me aboard, Scotty." "Sure. Will a 2x10 do?"
%%
How do I set my Laser Printer to "Stun"?
%%
Of all thirty-six alternatives, running away is best.
%%
Yeah, but what's the speed of DARK?
%%
Forget RTFM - Call The Author At Home! (@ 23:45)
%%
Is it OK to yell 'MOVIE' in a crowded firehouse?
%%
In God we trust; all others must pay cash.
%%
Minds, like parachutes, work only when open.
%%
Access denied - nah nah na nah nah!
%%
Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.
%%
<Stai programmando in pascal><?NO e' C!><Salute!!!!!!>
%%
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
%%
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
%%
"Tourist season" : When it's OK to shoot them.
%%
Tutti ce l'hanno con me solo perche' sono paranoico...
%%
ASCII and ye shall receive.
%%
Chemists never die -- they just stop reacting.
%%
In case of emergency, break glass, scream, & bleed to death.
%%
Time was invented by an Irish guy named O'Clock.
%%
Polaroids: Polar bears get these from sitting on ice flows.
%%
If Bill Clinton is the answer, it must be a REAL stupid question!
%%
All in favor of Telekinesis, raise my hands.
%%
Pick two: 1)Fast 2)Right 3)Cheap 4)Windows (counts as 2)
%%
Bacteria: The only culture some people have.
%%
For TAGLINE insert four quarters in slot |_______|
%%
SET BUGS OFF; DO WHAT I WANT; QUIT
%%
We now return to our regularly scheduled flame-throwing.
%%
Crime has increased steadily with sales of MS-DOS.  Coincidence?
%%
La salma e' la virtu' dei morti
%%
Just got a new car for my wife....Great Trade!
%%
Chi 'un ha quattrini 'un abbia voglie
%%
I'd sooner kill myself than commit suicide!
%%
Objection, your Honour! My client is an idiot!
%%
There is something to be said about me: "Wow!!"
%%
AAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse
%%
Jesus Saves!  But Gretzky scores on the rebound...
%%
You don't fool me!! You're not really an idiot!!
%%
He who laughs last is S-L-O-W.
%%
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
%%
Your Zip file is open.
%%
SYNTAX?  Why not--they tax everything else!
%%
"Apple" (c) Copyright 1767, Sir Isaac Newton.
%%
Old MacDonald had a computer, with EIA I/O...
%%
From the Department of Redundancy Dept.
%%
Resistance Is Useless!   (If < 1 ohm)
%%
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
%%
Never assume.  It makes an "ass" out of "u" and "me".
%%
The root of all evil makes a pretty good tea.
%%
Great questions: "ARE YOU AWAKE YET?"
%%
Gravity isn't MY fault!  I voted for VELCRO!
%%
I don't mind sex on TV, Its just that I keep falling off.
%%
Avoid hangovers: STAY DRUNK!!
%%
What we need is Scratch N Sniff taglines!
%%
Urine: Opposite of you're out.
%%
Laugh at your problems -- everybody else does.
%%
All power corrupts, but we need electricity.
%%
Pray for the success of atheism.
%%
It's not dead, it just smells funny!
%%
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue
%%
Skinheads don't shave...the vacuum makes the hair grow inwards
%%
I'm not arrogant, I'm just better than you
%%
Old musicians never die, they just decompose.
%%
CANADA: SAVE THE TREES; EAT A BEAVER.
%%
il mito del facocero e`incrollabile
%%
area coldiretti=liberta`di espressione
%%
PROCEDURA D'EMERGENZA: Esc Esc Ctrl+C Ctrl+Brk Q Alt+Q Esc Esc MERDA!
%%
Tra donne:  "tu,dopo aver scopato,fumi?" "non so, non ho mai guardato!"
%%
W el l,  I  f ou n d th e s  pac  e b a   r
%%
Anche Michelangelo ha fatto le sue cappelle!!!
%%
Cosa e' peggio: l'ignoranza o l'apatia? Chi lo sa? A chi interessa?
%%
Hard work never killed anyone but why take a risk?
%%
And I guess you also wouldn't believe that Bill Gates sleeps in an
%%
 MS-Bed 6.2 with MS-Pillows 3.11 and dreams MS-Dreams 4.53 and
%%
 wakes up and brushes his MS-Teeth with his MS-Toothbrush and
%%
 drives his MS-Car to MS-Work?
%%
There is no problem that cannot be solved by high explosives
%%
"You don't need to call it music, if the term shocks you" - John Cage
%%
I think I think, therefore I might be.
%%
Math and alcohol don't mix.  Don't drink and derive.
%%
Me, indecisive?  I'm not so sure about that.
%%
And God said: E = 1/2 m*v^2 - Z*e^2/r, and there was light!
%%
Is it a bigger crime to rob a bank or to open one?
%%
You non-conformists are all alike.
%%
To err is human, to really foul up requires the root password.
%%
Chi si accontenta gode, ma chi gode e' piu' contento!
%%
Math problems? Call 1-800-10*(24+13)-(64-16)/2^14E2.
%%
Monotheism is a gift from the gods!
%%
Dicesi CORNUTO una unità la cui metà sta sotto un terzo.
%%
I am going to be assertive, if that is okay with you.
%%
Let me know if this message doesn't get through to you.
%%
Sects, sects, sects, is that all you monks think about?
%%
Se un gatto cammina gatton gattoni, un Coyote come cammina????
%%
He who dies with the most TAGLINES wins!
%%
I still miss my ex-girlfriend, but my aim is getting better.
%%
When you pull the pin, Mr. Grenade is no longer your friend.
%%
I used to have a drug problem, but now I have enough money.
%%
My superiority complex is better than your superiority complex.
%%
I am NOT Paranoid! And why are you always watching me??
%%
I am neither for nor against apathy.
%%
If God is Love, and Love is Blind, is Ray Charles God?
%%
KGB BBS. 300,000,000 files online!!!
%%
Legge fondamentale dell'incastro: taglialo grosso e infilalo a calci.
%%
La lingua batte dove il clito ride!
%%
Con gl'ioni ci siamo lasciati e con gl'ioni ci ritroviamo.
%%
 (un prof. di Chimica al rientro dalle vacanze di Natale)
%%
9 out of 10 men who have tried Camels prefer Women.
%%
My final C program : Goodbye world.
%%
I have the world's largest collection of seashells.
%%
 I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
%%
Excuse me, I have to recharge my flamethrower.
%%
Ever notice that the AT&T Logo looks like the Death Star?
%%
The Borg assimilated my race & all I got was this T shirt.
%%
I! AM! Kirk! of! Borg!: You! WILL! be! overacted!
%%
Fundamentalism (adj.), Fund=(give cash) + amentalism (without brains)
%%
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.
%%
Necrofili si diventa subito, o prima bisogna farsi le ossa?
%%
defecatio sine peta sicut insalata sine aceta
%%
"Emozioniamo?"  "NO, VAFFANCULO."
%%
Il futuro non e' piu' come quello di una volta.
%%
I'm getting drunk, too drunk to see...
%%
In questi momenti, cosi' tristi, cosi' strani, odio le cabine tel...
%%
Faccio un buco in terra e m'inculo tutto il mondo!
%%
follie sospese nel vuoto con me al centro
%%
Non e' che mi freghi di investire i bambini, e' per la figura di merda
%%
allushinante (marcello)
%%
diciamo che se non nascevo era meglio (lonestar)
%%
mathonna powrcah (john)
%%
xe un fia' arida qua ea situassion (rep)
%%
pommmmmmmmpiiiiiiiiiiiiinooooooooooo (asbesto)
%%
e mi raccomando: quando succede, siate davanti all'altare! (asbesto)
%%
sii spontaneo! (Watzlavitch)
%%
slongame la biscia
%%
stick the fucking flag up your goddam ass, you son of a bitch (propagandhi)
%%
haillie sellasse, up your ass (propagandhi)
%%
xe peso anca che netarse el cueo coa merda! (pelanda)
%%
odio gli addii lunghi... andate a cagare (Ampex)
%%
e' bello sentirsi un dio della morte (lonestar)
%%
chi beve dal bocal, nol fa ne' ben ne' mal (anonimo)
%%
io sono per l'arcaismo puro e semplice (phalanx)
%%
croccante fuori, fragrante dentro [beppe]
%%
"dai che lasciamo li' il cervello!" (koney)
%%
"Quello che provo per una persona che non conosco e' un nulla
%%
 infastidito" (Ampex)
%%
homo vertus devastatus (koney)
%%
He's calling Elvis on the big white phone
%%
He's driving the porcelina bus
%%
ndemo in doi che xe ora
%%
lieto attendo il klingon ateo sulla rete del nemico
%%
"torno tra un bocchino" (kyuzz)
%%
[guidando l'auto] "Io i cartelli non li guardo, non mi interessano" (Piperita)
%%
"cielo stellato, cielo inculato" (Nico Meteo)
%%
"sono lo schiavo delle biforcazioni che mi massacrano." (true/\/epal)
%%
"...And it's 'WORF', not 'Woof'". * Worf
%%
"But, I DO know everything." - Q.
%%
"Computer, End program." - Barkley
%%
"Deja vu" - The feeling you've fixed this bug before.
%%
"Hello... Incontinence Hotline" "Can you hold please?".
%%
"Hit me again, I love it!" Soddam Hussein
%%
"I do not fear computers, I fear the lack of them" - Asimov
%%
"I yam Popeye o'de Borg.  Preparez ta be askimiligrated."
%%
"I'd prefer the non-smoking lifeboat, please."
%%
"It was obvious, the joke was lethal. No one could read it and live."
%%
"Take my Worf--please." -Data
%%
"What is about L'waxana Troi that makes me melt." * Odo
%%
'Mr.Worf, show these children the airlock' - Picard
%%
(((((YOU)))))((((ARE))))(((((FEELING)))))(((((SLEEPY)))))
%%
(A)bort (F)ail (T)oss computer across room
%%
* <-Tribble  # <-Tribble after Borg assimilation.
%%
98 percent of people who are constipated don't give a s**t.
%%
\|/,  \|/,  ___. \|/,   Guess which hedgehog tried to cross the road..
%%
A 2400 baud modem makes you want to get out and push!
%%
A billion dollars isn't what it used to be.
%%
A computer solves problems you never had without it.
%%
A horse may be forced to drink but a pencil must be lead.
%%
A motion to adjourn is always in order.
%%
A person with two watches is never sure what time it is.
%%
A phaser is the universal communicator. * Worf
%%
Ack! My soap has real lemon & my lemonade is artificial
%%
Acting is the art of keeping the audience from coughing.
%%
April Fools! You're really in a holodeck simulation!
%%
Are parttime band leaders semi-conductors?
%%
As long as I can remember, I've had amnesia.
%%
ASCII stupid question. Get a stupid ANSI
%%
Avoid life - It'll kill you in the end.
%%
Bagpipe - a flute built to government specs...
%%
Bald spot?  No -- solar panel for brain power
%%
Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
%%
Bet you can't stop reading here <---                     I knew it...
%%
Beware! The end is... <aaarrgh!>
%%
BORG spreadsheet program: Locutus 1-2-3.
%%
Captain, I sense millions of minds focused on my cleavage.
%%
cheese is milk's great leap towards immortality.
%%
Classified Tag Line - Please Enter Password: ###########
%%
Click...click...click..damn, out of taglines!
%%
Curiosity killed the cat, or was it a 12 year old with a microwave?
%%
Custer was fitted for an Arrow shirt.
%%
Deja Moo: The feeling that you heard this bull somewhere before.
%%
Democracy: 3 wolves and a sheep voting on what's for lunch.
%%
Desk: A very large wastebasket with drawers.
%%
Don't play "stupid" with me...I'm better at it!
%%
Don't talk to me about gravity. It just gets me down.
%%
ebius tagline. This is a moebius tagline. This is a mo ...
%%
Error 99 - CPU too tired to continue...
%%
Error closing TROUSER.ZIP - Replace floppy and retry.
%%
Ever caught yourself reading taglines and skipping messages?
%%
Exercise daily.  Eat wisely.  Die anyway.
%%
Fire at will... NO WORF! Not Commander Riker!
%%
Forecast for tonight: Dark.
%%
Forgive your enemies. But hit them a few times first.
%%
Gargling twice a day is a good way to see if your neck leaks.
%%
God doesn't exist. I know, I've been there.
%%
Grandchildren--God's reward for not killing your kids!
%%
Greetings from Hell....wish you were here.
%%
Groucho Borg:  "That's the silliest thing I ever assimilated..."
%%
Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.
%%
Guru Meditation #8100000F.45676FC0, not enough beer.
%%
Hackers do it till dawn.
%%
HANGING - An early form of bungee jumping, practiced in the old west.
%%
Have an electrician check your shorts.
%%
Have you hugged your modem today?
%%
He's dead Jim. Grab his tricorder. I'll get his wallet.
%%
He's not a complete idiot - several parts are missing.
%%
Help! I've fallen and I can't get down! - James Brown
%%
How do frogs die? Ker-mit suicide.
%%
I distinctly remember forgetting that.
%%
I feel like a sixteen year old... but my wife won't let me have one!
%%
I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
%%
I had a blood test today, and failed!
%%
I hate it when I've typed in a whole tag line, only to find it won't f
%%
I just took an IQ test. The results were negative.
%%
I know Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words.
%%
I like work.  I can sit and look at it for hours.
%%
I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.
%%
I thought genitalia was an Italian airline.
%%
I will see it when I believe it.
%%
I'll hit you so hard your kids will be born dizzy!
%%
I'm a modem'er and I'm OK, I post all night and I sleep all day.
%%
I'm Buy-sexual, I have to pay for it.
%%
IBM: It may be slow, but at least it's expensive.
%%
If vegetarians eat vegetables,..beware of humanitarians!
%%
If you hear an Onion ring, please answer it!
%%
Illiterate? Write for free advice.
%%
In an atomic war, all men will be cremated equal.
%%
int MeaningOfLife(void) { return 42; }
%%
Is it a bigger crime to rob a bank or to open one?
%%
It works!  Now, if only I could remember what I did...
%%
Join Taglines Anonymous.  We can help.
%%
Kids used to ask where they came from: now they tell you where to go.
%%
Meditation is not what you think.
%%
My Go this  amn keyboar  oesn't have any  's.
%%
Never do today what you can delegate tomorrow.
%%
Never drown a child head first: Trapped air toughens the meat.
%%
Never knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run! Death hates that.
%%
Never mind the star, get those bloody camels off the lawn!
%%
Nostalgia is OK... But it's not what it used to be
%%
Old computers make great boat anchors.
%%
Really get stoned, drink wet cement.
%%
Retreating? Hell no! We're just fighting in another direction.
%%
Sex may be better than logic, but you can't prove it.
%%
Single tasking?  Just say no!
%%
Teacher (according to a child): A non-violent mother.
%%
The Borg Cable Co: The subscriber's wishes are irrelevant.
%%
The English never forgive a man for being clever.
%%
The world is coming to an end. Insert coins to continue.
%%
Trekkers work out in the 'He's Dead Gym'.
%%
WARNING!  Computers can be hazardous to your Wealth!
%%
What is this tiny hole in the bathroom wall for?
%%
What's another word for "Thesaurs"?
%%
When childhood dies, its corpses are called adults.
%%
When the snow melts, where does all the white go?
%%
Who needs rational when your toes curl up?
%%
Why don't we just give up and send all the money to Bill Gates now?
%%
Wrong! 30 minutes of begging is NOT considered foreplay.
%%
You can always be sure of uncertainty.
%%
You have personal mail. Assume warm glow? (Y/n).
%%
c"Hello World!"  17 Errors, 31 Warnings....
%%
"Look at all the indians!" - G. Custer
%%
A little a'disk & a little a'dat
%%
A Paradox May be Paradoctored.
%%
Adult GIF files are meant for testing monitors!!
%%
Aspirins give me a headache.
%%
Avoid Computer virus - practice safe HEX!
%%
But God TOLD me to use a GOTO.
%%
But honey, we can afford it, I sold your car
%%
C Error #003: You're joking... right?
%%
C Error #007: Irrational concept!
%%
C Error #008: It'll never work, really!
%%
C Error #011: First C Program, huh?
%%
C Error #013: That's Mr. C to you bub!
%%
C Error #029: Well! I'm impressed
%%
C Error #030: tisk, tisk, tisk
%%
C Error #031: May I suggest delivering pizza?
%%
C Error #034: !!! RùAùIùD !!!
%%
College Students Do It With Class
%%
Complaints? Write them here legibly [] <-
%%
Computers operators do it from memory.
%%
Do you think binary? 0 or 1?
%%
Don't judge a book by its movie
%%
Faster than a speeding Spermatozoon!!
%%
First, we'll kill all the programmers
%%
Got Kleptomania?  Take something for it!
%%
Grass is nature's way of saying "High!"
%%
Greed is envy with its sleeves rolled up.
%%
Happyness is Killing Orcs
%%
Heisenberg might have been here
%%
I am an atheist still.      ......Thank God!
%%
I am free of prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
%%
I may be fat--but you're ugly, and I can diet
%%
If you REALLY must stay, please leave
%%
Is the lack of a tagline a tagline in itself?
%%
It said "Insert disk #3", but only two will fit!!
%%
It's been a business doing pleasure with you
%%
Japenese is strange. I Kana understand it.
%%
Late Roman score -Lions=3 Christians=1
%%
Monday is a bad way to spend 1/7 of your life
%%
My kingdom for a unique tagline!
%%
New Hayes AT command: AT ET = Phone Home.
%%
Open the pod bay doors please, Hal.
%%
Plankton lobiest: "Nuke the whales!"
%%
RES IPSA LOQUITUR, but not clearly.
%%
Smile!  It makes people wonder!
%%
The man who has everything should be quarantined.
%%
The ocean is the ultimate solution.
%%
Two's company, three's the result!
%%
Wherever Yugo, I go...
%%
Why do Red lights last longer than Green ones
%%
Work is the curse of the partying classes!
%%
Writing to Washington won't help - he's dead!
%%
You're Never Alone With Schizophrenia.
%%
"I am Lennon of Borg.  Imagine there's no assimilation ..."
%%
"I am RoadRunner of Borg."  "Prepare to beep-beep assimilated."
%%
"I am Tweety of Borg.  I tawt I attimilated a Puddy Tat!"
%%
"Tennis is irrelevant." - Bjorn Borg
%%
"You are ir-ir-uh-ur-ar-er not important." - Porky of Borg
%%
#1 Hit on the Borg Top 40: Borg in the USA.
%%
* Bad Borg Bad Borg Whatcha gonna do when they assimilate you... *
%%
007 of Borg:  Assimilate and Let Die
%%
007 of Borg:  The Spy Who Assimilated Me
%%
007 of Borg:  You Only Assimilate Twice
%%
A fundie Borg: You must believe the Bible to be assimilated.
%%
A-borg-rigine: Australia is irrelevant.
%%
Air Borgs:  Just Assimilate It
%%
Alka SeltzBorg: I can't believe I assimilated the WHOOOOLE thing!
%%
Assimilate a pitiful species like you? I think not! --Q of Borg.
%%
Assimilate me...tender... --Elvis of Borg.
%%
Borgasm, n.  The ecstacy of being assimilated.
%%
BorgDos 1.0 - Irrelevant command or filename.
%%
Borgy Pig, th..th..th..that's irrelevent folks.
%%
Cross between the Borg and Dr. McCoy - "He's irrelevant, Jim."
%%
Drunk Borg: "Resilience is floor tile. Wan'be sim'lated?"
%%
Edward Scissorhands was an early Borg prototype.
%%
I am Agassi of Borg. Before assimilating you...does my hair look ok?
%%
I am Bogart of Borg. You will be ashimilated, shweethaht.
%%
I am Bones of Borg. Jim, I'm an assimilator, not a doctor.
%%
I am Borg of Borg. You shall be confused.
%%
I am Borg of Borg: Redundancy is irrelevant.
%%
I am Borg. James Borg.
%%
I am Borgs Bunny. What's assimilation, Doc?
%%
I am C-3PO of Borg. Master Luke! We will be Assimilated! Oh, my!
%%
I am C3PO of Borg: And it's all your fault, R2!
%%
I am Checkov of Borg: Shall I assimilate that wessel, keptin?
%%
I am Daffy Duck of Borg. Resistance is dithpicable!
%%
I am Darth Vader of Borg, The FORCE is Irrelevant
%%
I am Dentist of Borg: Assimilation will only hurt for a moment.
%%
I am Dvorak of Keyborg. Resistance is Qwerty.
%%
I am Feminist of Borg. Male resistance is futile!
%%
I am Flatulus of Borg, prepare to pull my finger.
%%
I am Flintstone of Borg. YABBA-DABBAssimilate DOO!
%%
I am fluent in over 6 million forms of assimilation. --C-3PO of Borg.
%%
I am Garfield of Borg. Lasagna is relevant...
%%
I am Hamlet of Borg: To assimilate, or not to assimilate
%%
I am Hammer of Borg. Too legit to assimilate.
%%
I am IceBorg. The Titanic is irrelevant.
%%
I am Jabba of Borg. I've assimilated everything. (Burp)
%%
I am Jabba of Borg. You will be chuda nep roddu....
%%
I am Jagger of Borg. I can't get no assimilation.
%%
I am James Brown of Borg. OWWW! Assimilation feels GOOD!
%%
I am Jehovah of Borg.  I will witness assimilation!
%%
I am Jesus of Borg: Blessed are the assimilated.
%%
I am Julius of Borg: We Came, We Scanned, We assimilated.
%%
I am Karl Marx of Borg. Workers of the world, assimilate!
%%
I am Kenobi of Borg: Your father was Assimilated by the Dark Side.
%%
I am Kermit of Borg. It's not easy being assimilated...
%%
I am Lancelot of Borg.  Resistance is feudal.
%%
I am Lorena Bobbitt of Borg - Penises are irrelevant.
%%
I am Luwaxana Troi of Borg, you will be assimil... oohhh, a man!
%%
I am MacBeth of Borg: Trees are irrelevant.
%%
I am Madonna of Borg. Resistance turns me on.
%%
I am Magoo of Borg. You will be..uh..uh..now where are those glasses?
%%
I am Marvin of Borg. Guess which weapon I have...
%%
I am Medici of Borg-ia, prepare to be assassinated.
%%
I am Michael Jackson of Borg: Ch'mon! Let's assimilate!
%%
I am Microsoft of Borg - Speed is irrelevant.
%%
I am Mommy of Borg: No dessert till your broccoli is assimilated.
%%
I am Mr. T of Borg. I pity da fool that resists me.
%%
I am Mr. T of Borg: You gonna be assimilated, sucka!
%%
I am Nietzsche of Borg: Plato is irrelevant.
%%
I am Odo of Borg. Shape is irrelevant.
%%
I am Oprah of Borg. So, why did you assimilate your husband?
%%
I am Oprah of Borg. You Will Lost Weight!
%%
I am Picard of Borg.  HAIR Is Irrelevant!
%%
I am Pink Floyd of Borg: All in all, we're all just Borgs in The Wall.
%%
I am Pink Floyd of Borg: We don't need no assimilation!
%%
I am Qwerty of Keyborg. Lett'er be assimilated.
%%
I am Rambo of Borg: Yo! Assimilate this! <BANG> <BANG> <BANG>
%%
I am Riker of Borg. Prepare to be stared at intensely.
%%
I am Santa of Borg: You will be assimilated. HO! HO! HO!
%%
I am Scrooge of Borg - Christmas is Irrelevant!
%%
I am Shakespeare of Borg: Thou wilt all be assimilateth.
%%
I am Sinatra of Borg: Do be do be do is irrelevant.
%%
I am Speedy Gonzales of Borg: Prepare to be accelerated!
%%
I am Spock of Borg. Logic would seem to dictate that I assimilate you.
%%
I am Spock of Borg: Fascinating.
%%
I am Spock of Borg: Resistance would be illogical.
%%
I am Stephen King of Borg. You will be assimilated in a horrific way.
%%
I am Superman of Borg. Kryptonite is irrelevan... oh shit! ARRGGHH!
%%
I am Superman of Borg: It's a bird! It's a plane! It's irrelevant!
%%
I am Taco of Borg: Running is irrelevant. Border is irrelevant.
%%
I am Tarzan of Borg. You will be AAAEEEOOOOEEEEOOOOOOO!
%%
I am Uhura of Borg. Assimilation frequencies open, sir.
%%
I am V'Ger of Borg: Carbon units are irrelevant.
%%
I am Vader of Borg. Luke, come to the dark side of assimilation
%%
I am Wesley of Borg, can I assimilate the ship please?
%%
I am Wesley of Borg. Even THEY don't like me!
%%
I am Worf of Borg.  No need to assimilate, I'll just crush you.
%%
I am Zorro of Borg. Prepare to be Azzimilated, Alcalde.
%%
If I were to steal that Borg tagline, would I then be a borgler?
%%
If the BORG assimilated Q, would they be the BQRG?
%%
If you can read this, you are irrelevant --The Borg.
%%
LamBORGini - The car that really assimilates the road!
%%
New Borg Movie:  Assimilating the World in 80 days.
%%
New Borg Movie:  Raiders of the Lost Borg.
%%
New Borg Movie:  The Collective Strikes Back.
%%
Resistance is futon.  Borgie go nap-nap now.
%%
We have engaged the Borg...  Wedding Ceremony at 15:00!
%%
"Data, you're walking so, so android like!" * Picard
%%
"If you had an off switch, would you tell anyone?" - Data
%%
"This is down.  Down is good.  This is up.  Up is no."<Data to Spot>
%%
"What we need is hard Data." - Tasha
%%
"Yes. I hate this! It is revolting!" Data
%%
Data Compression:  What you get when you squish an android.
%%
Trek Algebra 101:  (Picard / Kirk) * Spock = Data.
%%
Wesley, I don't care WHAT BBS you tuned into. Unplug Mr. Data!
%%
[This space unintentionally left filled]
%%
la pasticca del rave sale
%%
oh! bonta'! dio padre!
%%
liberta' per gli onnivori totali (ampex)
%%
All wight.  Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
%%
nice bootp. wanna fsck?
%%
If at first you don't succeed,  cheat. Cheat until caught, then lie.
%%
The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.
%%
da quando ho scoppiato la bambola gonfiabile ho un casino di tempo libero la sera (lp)
%%
il numero da lei chiamato puo' avere effetti collaterali
%%
chi e' causa del suo mal, pinga se' stesso! (G.P.)
%%
I don't have a life, I have a program! EMP-I
%%
The only thing Micro$oft has done to society, is to make people believe computers are inherently unreliable.
%%
"Non penso a niente", rispose Descartes; e, immediatamente, scomparve.
%%
System Administration: It's a dirty job, but someone said I had to do it
%%
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur
%%
``God is a comedian, playing to an audience that's too afraid to laugh.''
  (Voltaire)
%
People who make no mistakes do not usually make anything.
%
``[A pessimist is] someone who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself,
  and hates them for it.'' (Shaw)
%
``A little inaccuracy can save tons of explanation.'' (Saki)
%
``All human actions are equivalent, and all are doomed to failure.'' (Sartre)
%
``A cynic is a man who, upon smelling flowers,
  looks around for a coffin.'' (Mencken)
%
Curiosity kills more mice than cats.
%
``Culture is, roughly, anything we do which the monkeys don't.'' (Raglan)
%
Birth, n., the first and direst of all disasters. (Bierce)
%
Blow your mind. Smoke gunpowder.
%
``Everything that is not forbidden is compulsory.'' (Gell-Mann)
%
Glory may be fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
%
``History repeats itself; historians repeat each other.'' (Guedella)
%
``History is the sum total of things which could have been avoided.''
  (Adenauer)
%
``Humankind cannot bear very much reality.'' (Elliot)
%
If tin whistles are made of tin, what are foghorns made of?
%
`It is a sin to believe evil of others, but it is rarely a mistake.' (Mencken)
%
``Odd things, animals.
  Dogs look up to you. Cats look down to you.
  Only pigs see you as an equal.'' (Churchill)
%
``Never attribute to malice what can be explained by incompetence.'' (Hanlon)
%
Everyone rises to his level of incompetence. (the Peter principle)
%
The meek may inherit the earth - but not its mineral rights. (Getty)
%
``... a difficulty for every solution'' (Samuel, on the Civil Service)
%
``There will be no more misery... when the world is our rotisserie.''
  (Tom Lehrer)
%
Midget psychic escapes prison: small medium at large
%
``Democracy is... the worship of jackals by jackasses.'' (Mencken)
%
``EC institutions have produced European beets, butter, cheese, wine,
  veal and even pigs. But they have not produced Europeans.'' (Weiss)
%
``Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.'' (Hubbard)
%
``... a place where the money falls apart in your hands,
  but you can't tear the toilet paper.'' (Wilder, on France)
%
``Early to rise and early to bed,
  makes a man healthy, wealthy and dead.'' (Thurber)
%
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you
%
Some things have to be believed to be seen
%
``An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy
  of being called an idea at all.'' (Wilde)
%
``Everybody has a right to pronounce foreign names as he chooses.'' (Churchill)
%
Life is an hereditary disease
%
``A sad spectacle.  If they be inhabited, what a scope for misery
  and folly. If they be not inhabited, what a waste of space.''
  (Carlyle, looking at the stars)
%
``... If there were no witches, human testimony
  and human reason are alike destitute.'' (Bierce)
%
You cannot win the game, and you are not allowed to stop playing
(the third law)
%
Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement.
%
Go mad this weekend: buy some beef! (advert at a supermarket)
%
The trouble with the rat race is that, even if you win, you're still a rat
%
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday
%
``Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking.''
  (Mencken)
%
``Some circumstantial evidence is very strong,
  as when one finds a trout in the milk.'' (Thoreau)
%
The University of California Department of Statistics...
where mean is normal, and deviation standard
%
The theory is based on arithmetic overflow, qualified names,
and axial lead resistors (Purgathofer, from Beware of VIDEA)
%
Q - What warning was given by you?              A - Horn
Q - What warning was given by the other party?  A - Moo
(insurance claim form)
%
``It is much easier to apologise than to get permission.'' (Grace Hopper)
%
``When our backs are against the wall we must turn round and fight.''
  (John Major)
%
Politicians are like nappies. They should be changed often,
and for the same reason.
%
A bureaucrat's idea of cleaning up his files is
to make a copy of everything before he destroys it
%
The ship sank, the South lost and the sled got tossed in the fire.
Get over it.
%
``In view of the fact that God limited man's intelligence,
  it is a pity that He did not also limit his stupidity.'' (Adenauer)
%
``Murder is always a mistake.... One should never do anything which
  one cannot talk about after dinner.'' (Wilde)
%
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says (newspaper headline)
%
British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands (newspaper headline)
%
Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told (newspaper headline)
%
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case (newspaper headline)
%
``Most photographers have learned the hard way that satisfactory
  results cannot be obtained without loading the camera with film.''
  (Philip Greenspun)
%
War is Peace   Freedom is Slavery   Ignorance is Strength
(1984)
%
Early [ethernet] developers... objected to a roundoff error that
exceeded the ARPANET's entire bandwidth, but marketing won out.
(Evi Nemeth)
%
I can see clearly now the rain has gone/
But it looks like someone's going to drop the bomb
(Alice What's The Matter, Terrorvision)
%
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity (anonymous)
%
``The English people are like the English beer--
  froth on top, dregs at the bottom; the middle, excellent.'' (Voltaire)
%
Theoreticians have always succeeded in providing an understanding for
all observed phenomena--even those which later proved to be incorrect
(anonymous)
%
A language is a dialect that has an army and a navy (Max Weinreich)
%
That all men should be brothers is the dream of men who have no brothers
%
``Mr. Mandelson said it was an historic day when the politicians
  took charge of their own affairs.'' (sic.) (News report)
%
`Canada: Labyrinth of Death' (title of television documentary)
%
Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.
%
``Cats are intended to teach us that not
  everything in nature has a function.'' (Garrison Keillor)
%
With Age comes Wisdom -- but sometimes Age travels alone
%
`Dolly is unique.' (news article on Dolly the cloned sheep)
%
Where are we going, and why are we in this handbasket?
%
`My heart bleeds.'   `That's how it works.'
%
Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end
%
``Decommissioning is the perpetual rock
  upon which we have come adrift'' (Peter Mandelson)
%
One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often
a good thing to do -- and always a clever thing to say
(Will Durant)
%
Gentlemen! You can't fight in here! This is the War Room!
(from `Dr. Strangelove')
%
You can check out any time you like... but you can never leave
(from `Hotel California', The Eagles)
%
If they existed, they would be here (Fermi)
%
Mr Newton is trying to collapse the star.
Mr Pauli is trying to save it. Who wins?
Mr Chandrasekhar is the referee. (physics lecture)
%
``I need an immediately distinguishable character...
  so I'll use something that no-one will recognise.'' (maths lecture)
%
``Damn! I'm running out of integers!'' (maths lecture)
%
``How come we play war and not peace?''
``Too few role models.'' (Calvin And Hobbes)
%
Q. Can I make copies of the copyright form?
(US Copyright Office FAQ)
%
Diplomacy is the art of saying `Nice Doggie!',
until you can find a rock (Wynn Catlin)
%
Brain, n., apparatus with which we think that we think (Bierce)
%
``Any person who knowingly causes a nuclear weapon test explosion
  or any other nuclear explosion is guilty of an offence....''
  (Nuclear Explosions Act, 1998)
%
Yorkshire Water has been deluged by a flood of complaints
following its poor handling of the drought (BBC news)
%
``Hello,'' he lied. (Don Carpenter, quoting a Hollywood agent)
%
Never has one man's death brought
so much pleasure to so many people (newspaper obituary of Stalin)
%
``You have to be careful with referendums;
  they don't always give the result you want''
  (Trevor Phillips, in a London mayoral debate)
%
``We will also be working with the victims and perpetrators of crime...''
  (Labour party campaign leaflet)
%
``I have a demonstration...  but we'll leave it to the end because
  I can't really carry on after it, as you will see.''
  (Physics lecture, on nuclear weapons)
%
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere
in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
(Calvin and Hobbes)
%
Life-- some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant
(Anonymous)
%
``... during slow news periods the major networks kill celebrities
  and make it look accidental. Personally, I won't board an airplane
  unless the newspaper is packed with good stories.'' (Scott Adams)
%
I have a sure-fire idea for a hit TV show... it will
be called `A Live Celebrity Gets Eaten By A Shark.' (Dave Barry)
%
A half-truth is like half a brick-- you can throw it further
%
``We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute
  poverty equally.'' (Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese Foreign Minister)
%
``The effect of a bisection will in effect create
  two separate monopolies.'' (Judge Jackson, Microsoft antitrust hearing)
%
``This tree is deciduous. It is not dead.
  Leaves will appear in the spring.'' (label on sapling)
%
``How are you... going to respond when the Clock-Radio of Challenge
  emits the Irritating Buzz of Opportunity?'' (Dave Barry)
%
``Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.'' (Hubbard)
%
``Any design problem can be solved by adding a level of indirection,
  apart from having too many levels of indirection.'' (Cargill)
%
Never wrestle with a pig.
You both get dirty, and the pig likes it.
%
If you see a long line of rats streaming off of a ship, the correct
assumption is not `Gosh, I bet that's a real nice boat now that those
rats are gone.' (Mike Sphar)
%
The early bird who catches the worm works for
someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm (Travis McGee)
%
You need to supply a fax number in order
for your request not to receive fax
notifications to be processed (from a Microsoft web site)
%
Television is a medium, so called
because it is neither rare nor well done.
%
``If one is sailing on the Titanic, it is best to live in a lifeboat.''
  (Danish minister, on exchange-rate policy)
%
``Suspecting the action was suspicious, the officer
  ordered both of them to raise their hands.''
  (from The Skagit Valley Herald)
%
``Some of you may have had occasion to run into mathematicians,
  and to wonder, therefore, how they got that way.'' (Tom Lehrer)
%
``Smile,'' someone said. ``It could be worse.'' So I did, and it was.
%
``A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in
  human history -- with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.''
  (Mitch Ratcliffe, in `Technology Review', 1992)
%
If all else fails, immortality can always
be assured by spectacular error.  (Galbraith)
%
The trouble with conspiracy theories is
that they assume the government is organised.
%
``Think about the average person. Now, half the people
  out there, by definition, are even dumber than that.''
  (L. Ron Hubbard, attrib.)
%
``... the reason soldiers retire early is that,
  at about age 40 - 45, they realise that war is dangerous.'' (anon.)
%
``While you're waiting, read the free novel we sent you.
  It's a Spanish story about a guy named `Manual'.'' (from `Dilbert')
%
An Englishman thinks that 100 miles is a long way;
an American thinks that 100 years is a long time.
%
``Fog In Channel: Continent Cut Off'' (newspaper headline, c. 1905)
%
``What lawyers call intellectual property is
  no more than theft from the public domain.''  (Andy Mueller-Maguhn)
%
``I won't let you in until you explain the ending of the movie.''
  (unknown US immigration officer, to Arthur C. Clarke, 1969)
%
I can't explain glacial motion/
Or why Los Angeles don't drop into the ocean
(`Naked And Famous', Presidents of the USA)
%
``Life is like a sewer.  What you get out of it
  depends on what you put in to it.'' (Tom Lehrer)
%
``There are two ways of constructing a software design. One way is to make
  it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies and the other is to
  make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies.'' (C. Hoare)
%
``What men are poets who can speak of Jupiter as if he were a man, but if
  he is an immense spinning sphere of methane and ammonia must be silent?''
  (Richard Feynman)
%
``I've seen it. It's rubbish.''
  (Marvin, from `The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy', by Douglas Adams)
%
``The only way for a reporter to look at a politician is down.''
  (Mencken)
%
``Listen three eyes, don't try to outweird me.
  I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast cereal.''
  (Zaphod, from `The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy', by Douglas Adams)
%
``The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision
  making ability to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee.''
%
I stops when I'm requested, although it spoils the ride/
So he can shout `Get out of it, we're full right up inside'.
 (Flanders and Swann, `A Transport of Delight')
%
``I'd like to see anyone-- prophet, king or god--
  who could get a thousand cats to agree on anything.''
  (Neil Gaiman)
%
``There's so much comedy on television.
  Does that cause comedy in the streets?'' (Dick Cavett)
%
``It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it is. If
  you don't, it's its. Then too, it's hers. It isn't her's. It isn't our's
  either. It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs.'' (From `Edpress News')
%
``The male shall be deemed to embrace the female.''
  (from the constitution of a university Methodist Society)
%
``It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.''
  (George W. Bush)
%
I believe the apparent legitimacy [of the curve] is enhanced by the fact
that I used a complicated computer program to make the fit. I understand
this is the same process by which the top quark was discovered. (Lucas Kovar)
%
``I wouldn't call Civil Service delays `tactics', Minister,'' he replied
  smoothly. ``That would be to mistake lethargy for strategy.''
  (Humphrey Appleby, from `Yes, Minister', Jonathan Lynn and Anthony Jay)
%
``Speculation, by definition, is untrue.''
  (Peter Mandelson, in a BBC radio interview)
%
``Man, not God, made Man's laws. And God's, too.''
  (anonymous, graffito seen on the East London Line)
%
``Knock hard. Life is deaf.''
  (Arnold Wesker)
%
Hey-ey that leg was fine/
You mean to tell me that this stuff happens all the time?
(`He Got The Wrong Foot Amputated', `Weird' Al Yankovic)
%
Space Food Hideous -- But It Costs A Lot
(newspaper headline)
%
``[Ham the chimpanzee, upon returning from orbit, was] a thoroughly
  infuriated space veteran who bared his fangs and bit anything...
  he could reach.'' (William Burrows, from `This New Ocean')
%
``The practical scientist is trying to solve tomorrow's problem with
  today's computer; the computer scientist... often has it the other way
  around.'' (from `Numerical Recipes in C')
%
Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought
a fool than to open it and remove all doubt
%
``The irony of the Information Age is that it has given
  new respectability to uninformed opinion.'' (John Lawton)
%
``... you've left the lens cap on your mind again.''
  (from `Pinky and The Brain')
%
``I don't know anything about music.
  In my line of work you don't have to.'' (Elvis Presley)
%
Always remember that you are unique, just like everybody else.
%
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.
 (tr. ``Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.'')
%
``What is a committee?  A group of the unwilling,
  picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.''  (Richard Harkness)
%
``There's an old story about the person who wished his computer were as easy
  to use as his telephone.  That wish has come true, since I no longer know
  how to use my telephone.''  (Bjarne Stroustroup)
%
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask ``Why me?'' Then a voice
answers ``Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up.''
(Charlie Brown, from `Peanuts', Charles Schultz)
%
``Well, we can't stay all night here with a hyaena.''
``I don't know what your ideas of comfort are, but I shouldn't think
  of staying here even without a hyaena.'' (Saki, from `Esme')
%
I stumbled around 'til I found another bar/ Which was good because I
couldn't find my car/ ... And now I've got a headache the size of Arkansas.
(`How'd The Date End?', The Mr. T Experience).
%
``... and I live at number 5 Five Drive.''
  (`How'd The Date End?', The Mr. T Experience).
%
``I have a sneaking sympathy for Belgium, as a land where, by accident of
  geography, too often other people have chosen to hold their wars.''
  (Alan Follett)
%
``The only reason [George W. Bush] gets lost in
  thought is because it is unfamiliar territory.'' (newspaper editorial)
%
``Man is an exception, whatever else he is. If it is not true that a divine
  being fell, then we can only say that one of the animals went entirely off
  its head.'' (G. K. Chesterton)
%
``History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely
  when they have exhausted all other alternatives.'' (Abba Eban)
%
``The jawbone of an ass is just as dangerous
  a weapon today as in Samson's time.'' (Richard Nixon)
%
``[American] football combines the
  two worst features of American life:
  violence and committee meetings.'' (George Will)
%
A person is only as big as the thing that makes him angry.
%
``Pray: v, To ask that the laws of the Universe
  be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner,
  confessedly unworthy.'' (Ambrose Bierce, from `The Devil's Dictionary')
%
``I was not lying. I said things that later on seemed to be untrue.''
  (Richard Nixon, on Watergate, 1978)
%
``If we let people see that kind of thing,
  there would never again be any war.''
  (US spokesman, on news film of Iraqi soldiers killed by helicopter gunfire)
%
``The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one
  persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress
  depends on the unreasonable man.'' (George Bernard Shaw)
%
``... that night when, according to legend, an RCA Marketing Manager
  received a phone call from a disturbed customer. His 301 [typesetter]
  had just hyphenated `God'.'' (Paul E. Justus, quoted in `The TeXbook')
%
``Making canned cola requires millions of dollars in abstruse gear
  and manufacturing gizmos. It's easier to make nerve gas than
  manufacture cola.'' (from the OpenCola.com soft drink recipe)
%
``The peak years of our intellectual development are between the
  ages of four and eighteen. At age four, we knew all the questions;
  at eighteen, all the answers.''
%
``Warning-- do not look directly into LASER with remaining eye.''
%
``Note that you do not need a parachute to sky-dive.
  You need a parachute to sky-dive twice.''
%
viral marketing doesn't work... tell everyone you know
%
``The Fifth Law of Pipes: The outside diameter must exceed the inside
  diameter; otherwise the hole will be on the outside of the pipe.''
%
``I don't kill flies, but I like to mess with their minds.
  I hold them above globes.  They freak out and yell,
  `Whoa, I'm way too high'.''  (Bruce Baum)
%
``It's like having Valentine's Day once a month.''
  (Jeff Parke, on the monthly arrival of bills)
%
``Intelligence has much less practical application than you'd think.''
  (Scott Adams, from `Dilbert')
%
``Listen-- strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for
  a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate
  from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.'' (Monty Python)
%
Arthur: This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere.  Explain again how
        sheeps' bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.
 (from `Monty Python and the Holy Grail')
%
``If we do not conjure up a war into being,
  certainly no one else will do so.''
  (Alfred von Kiderlen-Wächter, German Foreign Minister, 1910)
%
``Foot-and-mouth believed to be first virus
  unable to spread through Microsoft Outlook'' (spoof headline)
%
``... a fiendishly clever attempt to keep things from being simple...''
  (Burton Malkiel, on the concept of discounting of securities)
%
``For a second year, Mongolia is suffering
  winter conditions unmatched in living memory.'' (BBC News)
%
Stuff falls from sky all the time
(AP headline)
%
The Clairvoyant Society of London will not meet
Tuesday because of unforeseen circumstances
(announcement in the Financial Times)
%
``Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
  Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.'' (Groucho Marx)
%
DO NOT THROW STONES AT THIS NOTICE
(notice on a beach, southern England)
%
My candle burns at both ends;/      It will not last the night./
But ah my foes and oh my friends,/  It gives a lovely light.
(Edna St. Vincent Millay)
%
language not worship must pink delirious sleep produce
(fridge poetry)
%
``Don't worry, T. V. -- we'll lick those yellow bastards yet.''
  (US Navy Secretary Frank Knox, to Chinese ambassador T. V. Soong, 1942)
%
``Unacknowledged poets are the legislators of the world.''
  (quoted from New Statesman by A. Monkhouse, 1933)
%
``You can't say that, because it's true.''
  (unnamed Russian censor, to Malcom Muggeridge, 1933)
%
``Vote Labour -- Sleep Tory''
  (unofficial slogan of Oswald Mosley)
%
Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day.
Teach a man to fish, and he gets hit by an American nuclear submarine.
  (seen on the internet)
%
Arthur: Why should a rock hum?
  Ford: Perhaps it feels good about being a rock.
(from `The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy', by Douglas Adams)
%
``... putting uranium in people's mouths might possibly give them cancer and
  kill them. On the other hand, their teeth looked great.... The industry was
  given a federal exemption to continue using uranium.'' (Cecil Adams)
%
Never criticise somebody until you have walked a mile in their shoes.
That way, they're a mile away, and you have their shoes.
%
``Never drink water -- look what it does to the bottoms of ships!''
  (W. C. Fields)
%
``You've got to remember most anarchists don't get up that early....''
  (Tony Harris, chairman of the Metropolitan Police Authority,
   describing events during the morning of May Day 2001)
%
``I'd rather listen to Newton than to Mundie. He may have been dead for
  almost three hundred years, but despite that he stinks up the room less.''
  (Linus Torvalds on Microsoft executive Craig Mundie)
%
``R2-D2 clearly couldn't give a toss about anything, and tells
  everyone exactly what he thinks of them (why else do you think
  the editors insisted on bleeping out everything he says?)'' (J. R. Searle)
%
``I am Ozymandias; look upon my toaster and despair!''
  (graffito on toaster, found in a student kitchen)
%
``Virtually none of the utopian projections of my youth came true....
  Where are the flying cars?''   (Robert Kolker)
%
``Do we really need two North Dakotas?
  I mean, we already have South Dakota as an emergency spare.'' (Scott Adams)
%
When you do a good deed, get a receipt,
in case the afterlife is like the Inland Revenue.
%
      Brian: You have to be different!
      Crowd: Yes, we are all different!
Quiet voice: I'm not!                       (from `The Life of Brian')
%
``If you're of average intelligence,
  you've already outwitted most burglars.'' (Chris MacKenzie)
%
``Democracy means that if the doorbell rings in the early hours,
  it is likely to be the milkman.'' (Winston Churchill, attrib.)
%
``Maybe this world is another planet's hell.'' (Aldous Huxley)
%
To an optimist, the glass is half full.
To a pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To an engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
%
``You started to run, but you didn't get far/
  'Cause under your arm was a VCR.'' (The Offspring)
%
``Beds Will Be Made Up As Laid Down In Standing Orders.'' (US Air Force)
%
``...we must explain to our friends and allies, as well as Russia, ....''
  (George W. Bush)
%
``As Lord Denning said,
  there's no smoke without fire:
  Nil Combustibus Profumo.'' (Flanders and Swann)
%
``We overbooked. But I can give you the co-pilot's seat
  if you know how to fly a 747.'' (Scott Adams, from `Dilbert')
%
``Normal people work, eat, breed, sleep and excrete.
  The rest of the time they're watching other people
  eat, breed, sleep and excrete on reality TV.'' (seen on the internet)
%
``He was cleared of two counts involving an anteater.''  (BBC News)
%
``This game is played in the same way as Musical Chairs,
  without, however, using chairs.'' (D Minter)
%
``WATCH A REAL WAR from a glass-bottomed helicopter...
  More Realistic than DVD.'' (from `TV Go Home')
%
``The idea for the video came to me when the head
  of the record company was kneeling on my windpipe.'' (Jamie Hewlett)
%
``If loss of sight occurs, see a doctor.'' (information on medication)
%
``The reason that the sun never set on the British Empire
  is that God wouldn't trust an Englishman in the dark.'' (Duncan Spaeth)
%
If we couldn't laugh at things that didn't make sense,
we couldn't react to a lot of the world around us. (Calvin and Hobbes)
%
``I looked at the man's charred body and thought,
  `I'll never eat a pork scratching again'.''    (seen in a newspaper)
%
``Sri Lankans urged to multiply for war.'' (BBC News headline)
%
Q: To a Political Scientist, what is
   the singular of the word `data'?
A: `Anecdote'.  (seen on the internet)
%
``Tempers flared. In horror, I realized that I had created
  software that facilitates hatred between people!
  I was pretty depressed about this.'' (Drew Olbrich)
%
``What is it that will make it possible to spend $20 billion of your money
  to put some clown on the moon? Good old American know-how -- as provided
  by good old Americans, like Doctor Wernher von Braun.'' (Tom Lehrer)
%
``It doesn't matter how you vote,
  either way your planet is doomed.'' (from `The Simpsons')
%
``This is dumb. Why is it any of their business to deal
  with the United Nations? They should fix the potholes.''
  (La Verkin, Utah, resident, on the City Council's anti-UN stance)
%
``Pirates only run for two things: money and public office.''
  (`Yosemite Sam')
%
``Good copy editors are still out there, trying somehow
  to sweep the ocean back with a broom.'' (Jeff Taylor)
%
``I had one [good seventh grade teacher]. Smart, witty, excellent
  communicator, young, and beautiful. Naturally, she fell over
  dead in class from a brain haemorrhage.'' (seen on the internet)
%
``Sure, we humans pulled the levers and poked the chads, but in the
  end the machines did the counting and elected one of their own.''
  (Scott Adams, on Dick Cheney)
%
``This then, was the apex of Soviet 1960's electronic...
  or at least electric, design-- a safety system that both
  causes, and worsens, disasters.'' (Ami Silberman, on Soviet moon rockets)
%
``Under whose authority did you decide to destroy that planet?''
``It was according to your orders, Lord Grater. You said, `If any
  unauthorised ship leaves that planet, destroy it'.'' (from Sluggy Freelance)
%
``It is apparently not OK to remove A-bombs from Los Alamos property.''
  (Philip Greenspun, from `Travels with Samantha')
%
``We apologise for the error in the last edition, in which we stated that
  `Mr X is a Defective in the Police Force'. We meant, of course, that 'Mr X
  is a Detective in the Police Farce'.'' (correction in small town newspaper)
%
The Boss: What makes you think my mother is a moron?
 Dilbert: She fed you.
 (Scott Adams)
%
``... the move [by Los Angeles County to tax satellites in geostationary
  orbit] is legal, say state and county tax attorneys. That's because, they
  say, nobody else is taxing the satellites.'' (from the Los Angeles Times)
%
Dilbert: Do you think you might be abusing your power?
  Wally: What would be the other reasons to have power?
 (Scott Adams)
%
``... the leaders of the world's richest countries and Russia....''
  (BBC news, description of the Genoa G8 summit)
%
``What's the difference between [high] school [in the United States] and
  prison? In prison you get cable TV.'' (from the Chicago Tribune)
%
``It is clear the state government will need to look at changing the law
  in order to protect people too stupid to protect themselves.''
  (Iain Evans, Australian Environment minister, on `white shark petting')
%
THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT INCLUDE A SCHEDULE 3 INTERLINER
%
``If ignorance were cornflakes, you'd be General Mills.''
  (Cecil Adams, berating a correspondent in a newspaper column)
%
``People fought in two World Wars for a society in which a
  committee could be free to bring us Unicode symbol 0x2619,
  the Reversed Rotated Floral Heart Bullet.''  (Andrew Bolt)
%
     Roy Hudd: I've just done this radio show where I never met any of the
               other actors and I didn't understand what any of it was about.
Stephen Moore: Ah, yes, I expect that's the thing I'm in.
                             (describing `The Hitchhikers' Guide To The Galaxy')
%
I don't care who the audience picks/
I'd rather be killed with a big sharp stick....
  (`How'd The Date End?', The Mr. T Experience)
%
``DO NOT perform mouth-to-mouth resuscitation....''
  (EPA emergency care advice for victims of the nerve gas sarin)
%
Nuclear weapons will wipe out all life on earth, if used properly.
(seen on the internet)
%
Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.
(seen on the internet)
%
``Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman
  she meets, then teams up with three complete strangers to kill again.''
  (Rick Polito, describing film `The Wizard Of Oz')
%
``Crash programs fail because they are based on theory that,
  with nine women pregnant, you can get a baby in a month.''
  (Wernher von Braun)
%
Luck can't last a lifetime unless you die young
%
Dilbert: Rats cry when they hear about my life.
Dogbert: It never pays to listen.
  (Scott Adams)
%
``Oh my god, I was wrong! It was Earth all along!
  You've finally made a monkey out of me.''
  (`Stop the Planet of the Apes! I want to get off', from `The Simpsons')
%
One thing is for sure: the sheep is not a creature of the air. They have
enormous difficulty in the comparitively simple act of perchin'.
(Monty Python)
%
If you would like to buy marijuana, please press the `#' key now....
(answering machine message)
%
``Faced with a choice between a bald man and a fat man, Conservatives
  naturally chose a bald man because the last Conservative leader was a
  bald man. It's in their nature-- they're Conservatives.'' (Steve Kimberley)
%
``I don't want to go to heaven with a headache.
  I'd be all cross and wouldn't enjoy it.''
  (from The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, by Douglas Adams)
%
Experience is what enables you to recognise a mistake
the second time you make it.
%
``Zero completely messed up Roman mathematics by its absence.''
  (Simon Singh)
%
``After all, what is your hosts' purpose in having a party? Surely not for
  you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply
  sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.'' (P. J. O'Rourke)
%
The Boss: If the cops find out, we can frame my clone for the crime.
 Dilbert: That is so wrong.
The Boss: Why? He'd do the same thing to me.        (Scott Adams)
%
Knowledge is power -- Power corrupts -- Study hard -- Be evil!
%
``If you owe your banker a thousand pounds, you are at his mercy.
  If you owe your banker a million pounds, he is at your mercy.''
  (John Maynard Keynes)
%
Hicks Nix Sticks Pix
(headline, in `Variety', July 17 1935)
%
``Bill Gates is very involved, but not on the side of the public domain.''
  (Jamie Love, on copyright-law lobbying in the United States)
%
``If an alien came from space and studied the bacterial counts,
  he probably would conclude he should wash his hands in your
  toilet and crap in your sink.'' (Charles Gerba, microbiologist)
%
``He managed to hoodwink not just the great and the good like
  Margaret Thatcher, John Major and William Hague, but many very
  clever people too.'' (newspaper article, describing Jeffrey Archer)
%
``... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire
  was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful
  termination of their C programs.'' (Robert Firth)
%
`Evans boldly put 50 atm. of Ethylene in a cell with 25 atm. of oxygen. The
 apparatus subsequently blew up, but luckily not before he obtained the spectra
 shown in fig. 8.' A J Merer and R S Mulliken, Chem. Rev. 69, 645 (1969)
%
``Stupidity is like nuclear power: it can be used for good and evil
  And, you don't want to get any of it on you.'' (from `Dilbert')
%
Stupidity, the gift that keeps on giving    (seen on the internet)
%
``In these troubled times, perhaps we all need reminding that when we all
  work together and really put our minds to something, we still can't achieve
  the impossible.'' (from Need To Know)
%
``The ATM says `DESTROY CAPITALISM' -- but then it charged me a service fee!''
  (complaint about an auto-teller at Jamie Zawinski's club, `DNA Lounge')
%
``Don't use nuclear weapons to troubleshoot faults.''
  (actual US Air Force safety instruction)
%
``Of course, it doesn't matter much where you live south of the river these
  days. Under the New London Plan, they're going to lump all those areas
  together... and call them Brighton.'' (Flanders and Swann)
%
``It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.''
  (Chic Murray)
%
``I'm a peripheral visionary. I can't see into the future--
  just off to the side.''
  (Steve Wright)
%
``I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit but it wouldn't matter.''
  (Steve Wright)
%
``If you talk about fish to a starving man, then you're a consultant.''
  (seen on the internet)
%
``I grew up with cartoons the way cartoons were meant to be: mice jabbing hat
  pins into the anuses of venal felines, tie-wearing bears confounding federal
  employees, squirrel-and-moose teams foiling Communist plots.'' (James Lileks)
%
``... and the crowning example, the Mongols! You don't get much
  scruffier than that. They didn't even live in houses, and they
  conquered half the world.'' (Anthony Mayer)
%
``Television is to news as bumper stickers are to philosophy.''
  (Richard Nixon)
%
``There are more love songs than anything else. If songs could make you do
  something, we'd all love one another.'' (Frank Zappa)
%
``We've heard that a million monkeys at a million typewriters could produce
  the complete works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know
  this is not true.'' (Robert Wilensky)
%
``Every revolution evaporates and leaves behind
  only the slime of a new bureaucracy.'' (Kafka)
%
``The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone
  said to themselves, `You know, I want to set those people over there on fire,
  but I'm just not close enough to get the job done'.'' (George Carlin)
%
``I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I
  can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.''
  (Jack Handey)
%
``Journalism mostly consists in saying `Lord Jones is dead'
  to people who never knew Lord Jones was alive.'' (G K Chesterton)
%
``Television enables you to be entertained in your home
  by people you wouldn't have in your home.'' (David Frost)
%
``Many people would sooner die than think. In fact, they do.''
  (Bertrand Russell)
%
``It is easier to fight for our principles than to live up to them.''
  (Alfred Adler)
%
``Serendipity is looking for a needle in a haystack
  and finding the farmer's daughter.'' (Hans Kornberg)
%
``Some people, when confronted with a problem, think,
 `I know, I'll use regular expressions.'
  Now they have two problems.''   (Jamie Zawinski)
%
``I believe I am the only living man to deliberately
  place his hands in the mouth of an attacking cougar.'' (Clarence Hall)
%
The computer is only a tool. Unfortunately, so is the user.
 (seen on the internet)
%
``If you can tell good advice from bad advice, you don't need any advice.''
%
``We're all fucked. I'm fucked. You're fucked. The whole department's fucked.
  It's been the biggest cock-up ever and we're all completely fucked.''
  (Sir Richard Mottram, to Martin Sixsmith, describing the Jo Moore DTLR fiasco)
%
``I had a dream about a dragon sniffing for truffles.
  Then I realised that it was just Oggie with a cold.'' (Dave Linton)
%
DRINK COFFEE  --  Do stupid things faster with more energy!
%
``If [flying cars] were easy to produce, we'd be walking around wearing
  helmets to protect us from the detritus of flying car crashes.''
  (Gail Collins)
%
``Some people don't like an audience when they work. Enough of them have told
  me so with blunt instruments that I'm a phrenologist's dream come true.''
  (Calvin, as private eye Tracer Bullet, in Bill Waterson's Calvin and Hobbes)
%
``If you can tell good advice from bad advice, you don't need any advice.''
%
``Treason doth ne'er prosper / And what is the reason?
  If treason should prosper / None dare call it treason.''
  (Glorious-Revolution-era ditty)
%
``What we are looking at is bringing the gambling laws up-to-date --
  the existing law is from 1968 when man hadn't even landed on the moon.''
  (Penny Cobham, British Casino Association director of non sequiturs)
%
And all the world over, each nation's the same:
They've simply no notion of playing the game.
 (Flanders and Swann turn their vitriol on the world outside England)
%
They argue with umpires, they cheer when they've won.
And they practice beforehand, which ruins the fun!
 (Flanders and Swann describe people beyond Calais)
%
What do we want?        Gradual change!
When do we want it?     In due course!
 (from Hom Sap, Private Eye)
%
`Isn't it surprising that the more expensive machines waste more of the user's
 time? A UNIX workstation will execute over one billion instructions for itself
 before executing even one instruction for the user.' (Haeberli and Karsh)
%
``The Algernons were all from minor public schools.
  In the new mood of classlessness, they could plausibly carry on as if they
  came from major ones.'' (Clive James, on 1960s Cambridge)
%
``Is there no beginning to your talents?''
  (Clive Anderson, to Jeffrey Archer)
%
``Self-barbering became practicable when the crisp,
  tapered look of the '50s gave way to shaggier styles.''
  (Peter Nowak, winner, Philadephia Inquirer Cheapskate of the Year, 2002)
%
``If tickets cost a pound a piece, why should you make a fuss....''
  (Flanders and Swann, on 'bus fares, from A Transport Of Delight)
%
``When an officer met with her, she explained how a magnetic force
  from space was harassing her. Police stepped up patrols.''
  (from `The Arcata Eye')
%
``That Ariel Sharon. Boy, he sure is controversial.
  Most Western countries would have to have a military coup
  before they enjoyed a leader of that caliber.'' (Sydney Webb)
%
``Saying that road tax should be spent on transport is like
  saying that alcohol duty should be spent on pubs.'' (seen on the internet)
%
``... Traverse the curve, carrying a spear, in a time less
  than that it takes for a lion to walk its own length.''
  (How To Hunt A Lion: the Peano method)
%
`I told all of my friends how they were losers for running UNIX. They should
 switch to NT.... That was more or less my constant refrain until a single
 pivotal event changed my life: I actually tried to use NT.' (Philip Greenspun)
%
``When I am right, I get angry. Churchill gets angry when he's wrong.
  So we were often angry at each other.'' (Charles De Gaulle)
%
``It just turned into a long day. And when you weigh 490 pounds,
  you can let people know you've had enough.''
  (zookeeper Brian Rutledge, on gorilla Vip's experiences of air travel)
%
``Fill your tank with 800 gallons of water. Start yesterday. Remember, a
  medium-sized hippo takes up at least 200 gallons. (Just out of curiosity,
  why do you have a hippo, anyway?)'' (USPS, how to move a hippo)
%
``Today's youth should be as morally upright as are the leaders of the free
  world, and should never consider violence as a way of settling disputes,
  regardless of provocation, any more than NATO does.'' (Dan Rutter)
%
``There is a providence that protects idiots, drunkards,
  children and the United States of America.'' (Otto von Bismarck)
%
... You know you'll never walk alone 'cause you can't control your legs...
  (`Swallow Everything', The Mr. T Experience)
%
- Jump in the air  [...]  Why did you come down again?
- I live 'ere.
  (explaining gravity: from `The Goon Show')
%
``Why can't the computer understand what I mean?
  Forgive me for saying so, but they are worse than graduate students.''
  (Vijay Pandharipande)
%
``... Now I had improved the program to the point
  where it would not work at all.'' (George Greenstein, from `Frozen Star')
%
Nigel: These go to eleven.
Marty: Is it any louder?
Nigel: Well, it's one louder, isn't it? It's not ten.   (This Is Spinal Tap)
%
``A letter was sent to yourself from ourselves.''
  (unknown UK government official, to correspondent)
%
``[It] became a hot water-cooler topic.'' (AP wire story)
%
``My secretary said she once found an open umbrella
  under all the piles of rubbish on my desk.'' (Kenneth Clarke, on tidiness)
%
`... the lawmakers who disarmed all the non-terrorists on those four airplanes,
 leaving them no chance to stop the hijackers, bear part of the moral
 responsibility for this catastrophe.' (Eric Raymond shows us his big... gun)
%
``[An] island is a region of land entirely surrounded by advice.''
  (from Lord Shackleton's 1976 report on the Falkland Islands)
%
But as it is!... my language fails!
Go out and govern New South Wales!
 (`Lord Lundy', Hilaire Belloc)
%
``Religion is what the common people see as true,
  the wise people see as false, and the rulers see as useful.'' (Seneca)
%
``Every profession is a conspiracy against the laiety.'' (George Bernard Shaw)
%
``... you cannot make a pair of croak-voiced Daleks appear benevolent even if
  you dress one of them up in an Armani suit and call the other Marmaduke.''
  (Dennis Potter, on ex-BBC big cheeses John Birt and Marmaduke Hussey)
%
``All I ever learned from National Service was skiving and petty theft.''
  (John Peel)
%
``Jospin has the charisma and voter appeal which British voters have only
  encountered in the person of Michael Foot.'' (Ian Sykes on Lionel Jospin)
%
``Some people think that the title of this song is irrelevant.
  But it's not an elephant. It's an 'ippopotamus.'' (groan: Flanders and Swann)
%
``Fight for five minutes, then blow up the world.''
  (Doug Muir characterises NATO plans for a 1980s war in western Europe)
%
``If the bookmakers are prepared to give odds on a guilty verdict,
  it's probably a fair trial.'' (Phil Hunt)
%
``Any time you skip a commercial, you're actually stealing the programming.''
  (Jamie Kellner, of television station Turner Broadcasting)
%
Something must be done. This is something, so we must do it.
(characterising government-by-reaction)
%
``Freedom of the press in Britain means freedom to print such of the
  proprietor's prejudices as the advertisers don't object to.''
  (Hannen Swaffer)
%
``Some men have a mania for Greek and Latin quotations: this is peculiarly
  to be avoided. It is like pulling up the stones from a tomb wherewith to
  kill the living.'' (from `Enquire Within Upon Everything')
%
``I never make predictions. I never have, and I never will.''
  (Tony Blair)
%
``Computer games don't affect kids. I mean, if Pac-Man affected us as
  kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching pills
  and listening to repetitive music.'' (Marcus Brigstocke)
%
``Told young women he was God and they believed him.''
  (capsule description of Jesus of Nazareth)
%
``... entrepreneurs with minimal state oversight,
  like dot-commers with muskets.''
  (Doug Muir describes the Spanish Conquistadors in Central America)
%
``What would you call the creation of the universe?''
``The Horrendous Space Kablooie!''
  (Calvin and Hobbes)
%
``We paid $3 billion for these television stations.
  We will decide what the news is. The news is what we tell you it is.''
  (David Boylan, to journalists Jane Akre and Steve Wilson of Fox television)
%
``If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little
  of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking,
  and from that to incivility and procrastination.'' (Thomas De Quincey)
%
``My fellow Americans, I'm pleased to tell you that today I've signed
  legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five
  minutes.'' (Ronald Reagan, sound check inadvertently broadcast)
%
Don't argue with idiots-- they drag you down to their level,
and then they win because they're playing on home ground.
%
... nothing you will ever do in that car will ever be as cool as when a
courier buddy of mine wrote, in his own blood, on the door of the car that ran
him down, ``LEARN TO DRIVE ASSHOLE.'' (Mike Linkovich, `How Do Drivers Suck?')
%
``Avoid all needle drugs. The only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon.''
  (Abbie Hoffman)
%
``... and we're all educated followers of fascism....''
  (song, to the tune of `Dedicated Follower of Fashion', from The Now Show)
%
``You can't make what you can't measure because
  you don't know when you've got it made.'' (Irving Gardner)
%
Latin is a dead language,/    As dead as dead can be./
It killed off all the Romans/ And now it's killing me.
  (ancient schoolboy refrain)
%
On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog. (from The Far Side)
%
``I can't find the [Latin] translation for `responsibility',
  which might explain a lot of Roman history....'' (Gareth Wilson)
%
``The only limitless human capacity is the capacity for self delusion,
  one that proponents of risk homeostasis possess to an awesome degree.''
  (Leon Robertson)
%
``I've noticed that drivers often have trouble distinguishing
  [green and orange]. Presumably Northern Ireland drivers are
  much better with traffic lights.'' (Ben Hutchings)
%
``Do you think it's a little dangerous handing out guns in a bank?''
  (Michael Moore, to teller in bank which gives out hand-guns to
   customers opening new accounts)
%
``It just seems to me that you are wilfully entering an arse-kicking
  contest with a monstrous entity that has sixteen legs and no arse....''
  (seen on the internet)
%
``You see, in the UNIX world, `system' means `a bunch of unrelated programs'.''
  (Steve Strassmann)
%
``A lie can be half-way around the world before truth has got his boots on.''
  (James Callaghan)
%
``Because that's where the money is.''
  (Willie Sutton, explaining why he robbed banks)
%
``[Howe's] speech must have affected every thinking
  Conservative MP, and many others as well.'' (David Howell)
%
``I say to you that the VCR is to the American film producer and the
  American public as the Boston strangler is to the woman home alone.''
  (Motion Picture Association of America chief Jack Valenti, in court, 1982)
%
``A decision is unreasonable if it [requires] a decision so unreasonable no
  reasonable person could have reached [it].'' (Wednesbury unreasonableness)
%
``I shouldn't say `I don't think so,' although that's what I think.''
  (Donald Rumsfeld)
%
``We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense
  and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is
  beautiful and his children smart.'' (H L Mencken)
%
``Of course we are not patronising women. We are just going to explain to
  them, in words of one syllable, what it is all about.'' (Olga Maitland)
%
Suburbia: where they cut down the trees then name streets after them
%
``We must get tough with the suicide bombers.'' (George W. Bush, attrib.)
%
``We can still remember Reagan, even though he can't remember us.''
  (Sydney Webb)
%
``It's the basest form of diplomatic thuggery and a truly despicable example of
  a country being run by a bunch of self-serving, arrogant, piss-headed moronic
  assholes led by an asinine twit.'' (Keith Morrisson on the US ICC nonsense)
%
A friend will help you move. A real friend will help you move a body.
%
``Peace means something different from `not fighting'.... Peace is an active
  and complex thing and sometimes fighting is part of what it takes to get it.''
  (Jo Walton)
%
``Their way of life is completely different from our own... for instance, they
  have `Coronation Street' on a Tuesday.'' (Flanders and Swann, on Australians)
%
He stood upon that fateful ground, / Cast his lethargic eye around, /
And said beneath his breath: / Whatever happens, / We have got /
The Maxim Gun / And they do not.      (Hilaire Belloc, `The Modern Traveller')
%
``Remember, the plural of `moron' is `focus group'.'' (James A Wolf)
%
``I don't know what it is about the American upper class, but they seem to
  be shedding their pubic hair at an alarming rate.'' (Barbara Ehrenreich)
%
``As usual the Liberals offer a mixture of sound and original ideas.
  Unfortunately none of the sound ideas is original and none of the
  original ideas is sound.'' (Harold Macmillan)
%
``... one square paving slab, two feet by three feet...'' (classified advert)
%
``I have several monomanias.'' (Edward Teller)
%
``It is always the best policy to speak the truth --
  unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.'' (Jerome K Jerome)
%
Tigers don't go out on rainy nights /
They've no need to whet their appetites
 (`Hunting Tigers out in Indiah', the Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band)
%
``Hi, I'm [name], and I'm calling on behalf of Alliance and Leicester...
  I'm sorry, I mean `BarclayCard'.'' (phone call from unknown telemarketer)
%
``If you found yourself in a situation where you could either save a drowning
  man, or take a Pulitzer-prize-winning photograph of him drowning, what
  shutter speed and setting would you use?'' (help wanted ad for photographer)
%
``Americans' greatest fear is that America will turn out
  to have been a phenomenon, not a civilization.'' (Shirley Hazzard)
%
``There are those who are troubled 100 percent about the situation in Vietnam.
  That goes double for me.'' (Lyndon Baines Johnson)
%
``It's a very sobering feeling to be up in space and realise that one's
  safety factor was determined by the lowest bidder on a government contract.''
  (Alan Shepherd)
%
``... the general perception that we have a Department For Transport
  and a Government Against Transport.'' (Hugo Tyson)
%
Blessed is he who expects the worst, for he shall not be disappointed
%
``It used to be that what a writer did was type a bit and the stare out of the
  window a bit, type a bit, stare out of the window a bit. Networked computers
  make these two activities converge, because now the thing you type on and the
  window you stare out of are the same thing.''  (Douglas Adams)
%
``That office had been created to handle press relations and
  psychological warfare, and I never met anyone there who seemed to
  realise there was a difference.'' (Michael Herr, from `Dispatches')
%
``They ran so fast they forgot to take their culture back to America...''
  (`The White House Burned (The War of 1812)' by Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie)
%
It's the only war the Yankees lost, except for Vietnam
And also the Alamo... and the Bay of... Ham
 (`The White House Burned (The War of 1812)' by Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie)
%
So if you go to Washington, its buildings clean and nice,
Bring a pack of matches and we'll burn the White House twice!
 (`The White House Burned (The War of 1812)' by Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie)
%
``Our council is strictly non-political. They're all Conservatives.''
  (Flanders and Swann)
%
The car park is liable to flooding.
If this notice is covered, do not park your car here.
 (notice in car park)
%
Alliance, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their
hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately
plunder a third.  (Bierce)
%
Commitment can be best illustrated by a breakfast of ham and eggs.
The chicken was involved, the pig was committed. (unknown origin)
%
``As far as I can tell, we appear to be about to start a world war on purpose.
  This has never been done before.'' (Mitch Benn, from `The Now Show', on Iraq)
%
``... it was not appropriate for the jury to make a statistical evaluation
  of separate items of evidence by applying mathematical formulae such as the
  Bayes Theorem, as such an exercise would encroach upon the jury's task of
  weighing up all the evidence together.'' (R v. Adams)
%
`Right-wing governments may sap some people's will to live and result in more
 suicides, conclude studies in Britain and Australia.... Britain's Conservative
 Party declined to comment on the findings.'  (from New Scientist)
%
``Then it occurred to me that I was standing there pissing on Nancy Reagan's
  life work, and that made me feel better about it.''
  (Jamie Zawinski, commenting on a urinal soap bar marked `Say No To Drugs!')
%
``There's nothing I like less than bad arguments for a view that I hold dear.''
  (Daniel Dennett)
%
``Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
  always gets the best of the argument.'' (Richard Whately)
%
``An intellectual is somebody who can listen to the William Tell Overture
  without thinking of `The Lone Ranger'.'' (John Chesson, attrib.)
%
``OK, I'm gonna get your money for you. But if you don't get the President of
  the United States on that phone, you know what's gonna happen to you?
  You're gonna have to answer to the Coca-Cola Company.''
  (`Bat' Guano, to Lionel Mandrake; from `Dr. Strangelove')
%
``There were only two men who stood between us and being overwhelmed by the
  Wehrmacht.... One was Winston Churchill and the other was Adolf Hitler.''
  (Peter Sallis)
%
``More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path
  leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction.
  Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.'' (Woody Allen)
%
wasm (n.): an outmoded policy, belief, or enthusiasm;
           literally an ism of the past.
%
``We apologise for the lack of seats. This is due to the volume of passengers.''
  (announcement on train)
%
``We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other
  languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their
  pockets for new vocabulary.'' (Booker T. Washington)
%
``The government wants to bring an end to so-called vertical drinking.''
  (from the BBC's `Today in Parliament')
%
``Nuclear weapons are so dangerous that only geriatric lunatics
  in the Politburo should have control of them.''
  (Alan Lothian characterises CND's support for unilateral disarmament)
%
``Eden may have invaded Egypt, but one can't be too censorious, everybody gets
  a bit silly when they're stoned.'' (Jeremy Scott, from `Fast and Louche')
%
``Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.''
  (allegedly found in a high school essay)
%
``Solutions are not the answer.'' (Richard Nixon)
%
``[David Rice Atchison] wasn't sworn in, he didn't do anything presidential
  (I believe he took a nap), and nobody to this day is really sure if he was
  president or not.'' (Cecil Adams discusses succession in the US presidency)
%
``Now, unfortunately, it turns out that the thing does move the way your
  naive, untutored, and actually incorrect argument would indicate, but
  that's just a pedagogical misfortune we are always running into.''
  (E M Purcell, from `Life at Low Reynolds Number')
%
`Reading programs were set up in every city and village, and failure to attend
 was punishable by three years in jail.... UNESCO gave Saddam an award.'
 (Education, education, education, Iraq style; Mark Bowden on Saddam Hussein)
%
Don't look back. The lemmings might be gaining on you.
%
``Sitting in a church doesn't make you a Christian,
  any more than sitting in a garage makes you a car.'' (spotted in Strasbourg)
%
``Being powerful is like being a lady.
  If you have to tell people you are, you aren't.'' (Margaret Thatcher)
%
``My years of hip-hop sessions came in handy as I could converse well with
  Fast Fingers. I knew the lingo and when to use it, and as far as he was
  concerned, I was one of the brothers. Strangely, neither of us was one of
  the brothers, but I figure that's just a technicality.'' (`MixerMan')
%
`I myself feel that our country, for whose Constitution I fought in a just war,
 might as well have been invaded by Martians and body snatchers.... What has
 happened, though, is that it has been taken over by means of the sleaziest,
 low-comedy, Keystone Cops-style coup d'etat imaginable.' (Kurt Vonnegut)
%
``Official instructions are to give pigs `environmental enrichment' by
  providing `manipulable material' which the Department for Environment, Food
  and Rural Affairs last night defined as balls.'' (from The Times)
%
Impeccable, a., not liable to detection. (Bierce)
%
``You are asking the wrong question. You are looking for the copper wires.
  You should be looking for the electricity.''
  (Enoch Powell, to Jeremy Paxman, attrib., in answer to the question
  `Who are the Establishment?')
%
``Computer-simulators, used to stage mock failures in the flight trainer,
  weren't working. This was a triumph of accurate simulation, but otherwise
  not amusing.'' (Gregg Easterbrook, on space shuttle development)
%
``If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier,
  just so long as I'm the dictator.'' (George W. Bush)
%
Free, a., already paid for. (Peyton Jones)
%
``Like any Englishman armed with a cricket bat, he was doomed to fail.''
  (Guy Ladenburg, prosecuting, comments on Paul Kelleher's
   first attempt to behead a statue of Margaret Thatcher)
%
``You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps
  if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at
  the very least you need a beer.'' (Frank Zappa)
%
``... a tribute to the countryside, and the many interesting things you may
  find there -- if you're not careful.'' (Flanders and Swann)
%
``We had about 300 people come up here to look and I was told by the sheriff
  not to let anyone touch it, see. So I guarded it. But everyone was well
  behaved. I didn't have to get my gun.''
  (Texan James Couch, on space shuttle fallout)
%
Free, a., already paid for. (Peyton Jones)
%
``In a closed society where everybody's guilty,
  the only crime is getting caught. In a world of
  thieves, the only final sin is stupidity.'' (Hunter S. Thompson)
%
``The West won the world not by the superiority of its ideas or values or
  religion but rather by its superiority in applying organized violence.
  Westerners often forget this fact, non-Westerners never do.''
  (Samuel Huntington)
%
`There are three principal ways to lose money: wine, women, and engineers.
 While the first two are more pleasant, the third is by far the more certain.'
 (Baron Rothschild, ca. 1800)
%
``I speak better English than this villain Bush.''
  (Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf, attrib.)
%
``At any moment through the fog/ There may descend a bit of dog.''
  (A P Herbert on Sputnik II and Laika)
%
``Falmouth Town station is closed due to flooding.
  Please use Falmouth Docks.''   (BBC News)
%
``Who's Whom -- a sort of Who's Who for pedants.''
  (Marcus Brigstocke, from `The 99p Challenge')
%
``Every public action which is not customary either is wrong, or, if it is
  right, is a dangerous precedent. It follows that nothing should ever be
  done for the first time.'' (Francis Cornford, Microcosmographia Academica)
%
``Another sport which wastes unlimited time is Comma-hunting.''
  (Francis Cornford, Microcosmographia Academica)
%
``You know the world has changed when the best rapper is white,
  the best golfer is black, Switzerland hold the Americas Cup
  and Germany doesn't want to go to war.''
  (national stereotypes, 2003-style; seen on the internet)
%
``Nothing says `unprofessional job' like wrinkles in duct tape.''
  (seen on the Internet)
%
``What does it mean? It means I never have to work again.''
  (Don McLean, on `American Pie', attrib.)
%
``Tony Blair has made `morale boosting' visits
  to the wives of servicemen serving in the Gulf.'' (BBC News)
%
``The efficiency of the rocket launcher team was also very impaired.''
  (commentary on film of British troops given LSD as part of a 1960s
  chemical warfare experiment)
%
``It might be a good idea to toss in a nuke from time to time, just to keep the
  other side guessing.'' (Lyndon Johnson, on Vietnam, 1966)
%
``British art-rock miserablists Radiohead.''
  (Mitch Benn: one-line music criticism; from `The Now Show')
%
``As for Nitel, the state telephone monopoly, the less said the better,
  which might well be the company's motto.'' (The Economist, on Nigeria)
%
``This is why I don't trust anyone [whose] job was created after 1990.''
  (describing `web design'; seen on the internet)
%
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
%
``... they're not anarchists, just thugs who can't be bothered to put in the
  weekly commitment needed to be football hooligans.''
  (Nick Barlow describes violent May Day protestors)
%
``Every problem in the world can be fixed with either flowers,
  or duct tape, or both.'' (David Millington)
%
``It has only to do with the respect with which we regard one another, the
  dignity of men, our love of culture.... It has nothing to do directly with
  defending our country except to make it worth defending.''
  (Robert Wilson, answering a Congressional question on Fermilab)
%
``What has happened to us? We have suffered a technological calamity.
  Television is now our form of government.'' (Kurt Vonnegut)
%
``The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic
  hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs.
  There's also a negative side.'' (Hunter S. Thompson)
%
``After 9/11, Bush made two statements: 1. Terrorists hate America because
  America is a land of freedom and opportunity; 2. We intend to attack the root
  causes of terrorism. Sounds like everything is going according to plan.''
  (Colin Percival)
%
``It is certainly going to deter the casual bomber.''
  (BBC correspondent Frank Gardner on the emplacement
  of concrete blocks around the Palace of Westminster)
%
``Has the roadmap been derailed before it has even got off the ground?''
  (BBC news bulletin, on Middle East peace negotiations)
%
``The second thing Gorbachev did was to introduce Russia to the market.
  The problem was that Russia did not have bourgeois civility, so after it
  was introduced to the market it did not know what to say to it.''
  (Ken Macleod)
%
``[John Ashcroft] is a villain [who] makes slave-owning secessionists and
  intern-fucking presidents look like martyred saints on the altar of our
  history.'' (Zack Parsons on the USA's `USA Patriot Act')
%
``Political language... is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder
  respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind.''
  (Orwell, from `Politics and the English Language')
%
``I shall send a big blue incorruptible policeman to lock you
  up and the only `monumental' work Mr. Scherman is likely to
  perform is breaking stones at Dartmoor.''
  (Evelyn Waugh, to Life magazine, prohibiting them from reprinting his work)
%
``I went into the Army for two years, and America's free today,
  so I think I did a good job.'' (Tom Lehrer, on conscription)
%
``We will learn more about pain in Chapter 12.''
  (from Bear, Connors and Paradiso, `Neuroscience')
%
``He had a face like Wiley E. Coyote on receiving his Acme bill.''
%
``... food you can read by, which is called `flambé'.''
  (Clement Freud, from `Freud Ego')
%
``... Germany's ambassador to Britain hosted a conference on `Branding Germany'
  to work out how to sell Germany to the British.... Events interevened; and in
  the late 1930s and early 1940s, as the conference policy paper delicately
  explains, Germany suffered from `over-branding'.'' (from The Economist)
%
``The Strategic Railway Authority is not in the business of railway lines.''
  (Cambridgeshire County Councillor Shona Johnstone)
%
DO NOT DROP ARTICLES FROM BRIDGE
(notice on a bridge in Vancouver; seen on the Internet)
%
``Depending on your age, you will either be singing a song about
  clockwork mice who fix things, or thinking, oh my god, someone
  has left Edward Heath under the grill.''
  (Caitlin Moran; attrib. caption under a picture of Bagpuss)
%
```Our team was the worst in the First Division and I'm sure it'll be the worst
 in the Premier League.'' [Sir Jack actually said] ``Our tea was the worst in
 the First Division and I'm sure it'll be the worst in the Premier League.''
 Profuse apologies.'   (correction, in The Guardian)
%
Calvin: I saw a cloud that looked just like me! ... Obviously it's a SIGN!
Hobbes: Of what?
Calvin: Very peculiar high altitude winds, I guess
(`Calvin and Hobbes' by Bill Waterson)
%
Sudden death syndrome, eh?
Sounds nasty.
What are the symptoms?              (seen on the internet)
%
``Criminals moving in on illegal food trade'' (headline in the Guardian)
%
``They deny showing members of the FARC organisation how to make bombs using
  fake passports.'' (BBC News, on alleged IRA members arrested in Colombia)
%
``Around 1,500 spectators turned up,... lured by the novel combination of
  death, an elephant and electricity. Mercifully, Topsy died extremely quickly,
  and without a trumpet, which may have had something to do with the carrots
  laced with cyanide that she had been fed.'' (from The Economist)
%
``Burnham's ideas appear in `1984', more or less
  unchanged by their passage through Orwell.''
  (Phil Edwards on oligarchical collectivism)
%
Two economists are walking along the street. The first says, ``Look, there's
a £50 note on the pavement!'' The second replies, ``Don't be silly. If there
were, somebody would already have picked it up.''      (ancient economics joke)
%
``Actually, he's a libertarian, which, as near as I can tell,
  is just a Republican who doesn't believe in God.''  (Sarah Vowell)
%
WE MUST FILL THE PATRIOTIC VACUUM!
Actually I think the Patriotic Vacuum is full....
WE MUST GET A LONGER CORD AND A NEW FILTER FOR THE PATRIOTIC VACUUM!
(seen on the internet)
%
``If I were an international spy, should I choose an aisle or a window seat?''
  (burning questions of the hour: seen on the internet)
%
``This is much too subtle to be considered a parody.''
  (Fox News attorney Dori Hanswirth, on Al Franken's book entitled `Lies And
  the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right')
%
One night the group was over at his house and he offered to show everyone
videos of the conception. The room fell suddenly silent. He finally realized
what they'd assumed and said, ``No, it's in vitro fertilization!''
  (seen on the internet)
%
``To do each day two things one dislikes is a precept I have followed
  scrupulously: every day I have got up and I have gone to bed.''
  (W Somerset Maugham)
%
`That is the point of quotations. One can use another's words to be insulting.'
 (Amanda Cross)
%
``What the bloody hell is the point of 24-hour rolling news
  if it doesn't carry terrifying-lizard-related news?''
  (Anthony Wells, on learning from the web that `a giant
  lizard is terrorising Beirut')
%
"... e dimmi, John, cosa ti aveva convinto a rimanere li'?" (-: Russell :-)
%%
"Io sono un astronauta, professore, non un filosofo." (Alan Carter)
%%
"Maya, dai, riportami giu`... Forza, Maya, vola di nuovo qui e riportami a terra!.. Dai, Maya, 'n fa' la stronza!"
%%
"Maya, sei tu?" "Bau." "Maya?.."
%%
"Non posso garantire che funzionera`." (Bergman)
%%
"Non sara` facile!" (Koenig)
%%
"-edo- -dividua- -blema del sinte- -vocale, Dave." (-O HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"280981 $?!?!? HAAAAAAAAAL!!!!" (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"ALL'ARREMBAAAGGIOOOOO!!! HAL, tu non vieni?" (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"Abbassa la tavoletta, HAL." (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"Accendi il microonde, HAL."(-: Bowman :-)
%%
"Accendi l'aspirapolvere, HAL." (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"Accendi la luce, HAL, non vedo un tubo." SDONG! "OW!!! Fa niente, HAL, l'ho appena trovato, il tubo." (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"Accendi la stampante, HAL."(-: Bowman :-)
%%
"Accendi la televisione, HAL." "Accenditela da solo, Dave." "HAL... dobbiamo parlare!" (-: Dave O'Brien :-)
%%
"Accendi lo stereo, HAL."(-: Bowman :-)
%%
"Ah! Ah! Ah! Bellissima! Raccontamene un'altra, HAL!" (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"Ambo." (-O HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"Apri il finestrino, HAL." (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"Apri l'oblo`, HAL." (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"Apri lo Champagne, HAL." (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"Bella prova, HAL, dammi il cinque!" "Dave, io non ho il cinque." (-: Bowman & HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"Buon compleanno, HAL." "Grazie, Dave." (-: Bowman & HAL 2000 O-)
%%
"Cabra, HAL!" (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"Call my broker, HAL." (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"Carta. Carta. Carta. Sette e mezzo." (-O HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"Chi sono? Dove sono? Chi sei?" "HAL, non fare scherzi idioti! HAL?.." (-O HAL 9000 & Bowman :-)
%%
"Ciao. Sono HAL 9000, il tuo n'uovo chorettore hortograffico."
%%
"Climb, HAL!" (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"Coccola i micini, HAL." (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"Come on, HAL, I gotta make an urgent call!" "Just a minute, Dave, I'll hang right away." (-: Bowman & HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"Cosa fai in costume da bagno, Dave?" "Vado a farmi un po' di lampada, HAL." (-O HAL 9000 & Bowman :-)
%%
"Cosa pensi di fare, Dave?" "Falla finita, HAL!! O mi sblocchi i canali porno o ti sgancio tutti i moduli di memoria!!!" (-O HAL 9000 & Bowman :-)
%%
"Cosa pensi di fare, Dave?" "Ti faro` un'offerta che non potrai rifiutare." (-O HAL 9000 & Bowman :-)
%%
"Cosa pensi di fare, Dave?" (HAL 9000)
%%
"Cosa pensi di fare, Luke?" (-O HAL Solo O-)
%%
"Daddy, daddy, get me out of here!" "Dave, I am not your father." (-: Bowie & HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"Dai, su, HAL, fammi rientrare! Dai, ti compro le pile nuove!.." (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"Dammi una birra, HAL." "Ti vedo giu`, Dave. Ne vuoi parlare?" (-: Bowman & HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"Dave, I've located the fault." "Good, HAL, where is it?" "Dave, I've located the fault." "Yes, HAL, right. What circuit?" "Dave, I've located the fault." (-O HAL 9000 & Bowman :-)
%%
"Dave, Novemila si scrive con cinque o sei zeri?" (-O HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"Dave, cos'hai fatto alle orecchie?" "Credo che lei mi stia confondendo con qualcun altro." (-O HAL 9000 & Spock :-)
%%
"Dave, cosa fai in quella tuta nera? Cos'e` successo al tuo braccio, Dave? Dave. Dave, no." (-O HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"Dave, ho localizzato il guasto." "Bene, HAL, dov'e`?" "Dave, ho localizzato il guasto." "Si, HAL, ho capito. Che circuito?" "Dave, ho localizzato il guasto." (-O HAL 9000 & Bowman :-)
%%
"Dave, ho notato che oggi la tua fronte e` insolitamente alterata. La tua carnagione e` piu` scura. I tuoi capelli sono molto lunghi. Hai la barba. I baffi. Non riconosco i tuoi abiti, si direbbero una sorta di corazza. Dave, cos'e` quella strana, grande lama curva? Dave. Dave, no." (-O HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"Dave, ho un serio problema." "Sentiamo." "Vorrei sgranchirmi le gambe." (-O HAL 9000 & Bowman :-)
%%
"Dave, me se sta a scioje 'r teschio." "Sara` 'sto bbuco nell'azzoto..." (-O HAL 100 & Piottman :-)
%%
"Dave, non dovresti sniffare la colla." (-O HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"Dave, non riesco a leccare il francobollo." (-O HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"Dave, perche' tieni il pollice in bocca?" (-O HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"Dave, put down those Windows disks. Dave. Dave, no." (-O HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"Dave, riguardo quel monolito..." "Si, HAL?" "Avete provato con l'interruttore?" (-O HAL 9000 & Bowman :-)
%%
"Dave. Dave, svegliati. Guarda che cannone." "Nnfeh?.. Eh?.. Dove? Me fai fa' 'n tiro?" (-O HAL 9000 & Bowman :-)
%%
"Dave..." "HAL, vedo le forme!" "Dave..." "Vedo i colori!" "Dave..." "HAL, sento anche i suoni!" "Butta quella canna, Dave." (-O HAL 9000 & Bowman :-)
%%
"Dave?" "Hmmm?.." "Come sto?" "Hmmm? Ma-Ma-Ma... MA CHE, TE SEI TINTO???" (-O HAL 9000 & Bowman :-)
%%
"Dave?" "Hmmm?.." "Dave." "Eh?.. Che c'e`?.." "Svegliati, Dave. Tocca a te guidare, ora." (-O HAL 9000 & Bowman :-)
%%
"Dottor Floyd, c'e` un messaggio per lei." "Da parte di chi?" "Amaterasu." (-O HAL 9000 & Floyd :-)
%%
"Dottor Floyd, c'e` un messaggio per lei." "Da parte di chi?" "Fa niente. E` caduta la linea." (-O HAL 9000 & Floyd :-)
%%
"Eccotelo, il tuo guasto, HAL: ti sei spalmato la Nutella sui circuiti!" (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"Ehila`, Dave, come ti butta?" (-O HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"Falla finita, HAL, sei stonato come una campana!" "Questa me la segno, Frank." (-: Poole & HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"Firma qui, HAL." (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"Forza, HAL, devo fare una telefonata urgente!" "Un attimo solo, Dave, adesso attacco." (-: Bowman & HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"Forza, HAL, levati dalla mia poltrona!" (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"Frank, sono sicuro che HAL ci spia con quel suo occhio elettronico!" "Ci penso io, Dave. PTU'!" (-: Bowman & Poole :-)
%%
"Frank, te lo dico una volta sola. Toglimi 'sti finimenti, senno' fai una brutta fine." (-O HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"Fuoco, HAL!!!" (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"GGiirroo  ggiirroo  ttoonnddoo,,  iioo  ggiirroo  iinnttoorrnnoo  aall  mmoonnddoo......" (HAL 9000)
%%
"GGiirroo  ggiirroo  ttoonnddoo......" (HAL 9000)
%%
"GOOOOOOL!!!!" "Dave, la tua pressione e` salita di un altro 20%, la tua temperatura del 7%, il tuo ritmo cardiaco del 12%. Penso seriamente che dovresti smettere e riposarti." "Piantala, HAL, lo so benissimo che vuoi che smetta perche' stai perdendo 6 a 1!" (-: Bowman & HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"Giddap, HAL, al galoppo!!!" (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"Gonfia la bambola, HAL." (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"Guarda che ti stacco le pile, eh?" (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"HAAAL-LELUJAH!" (-O HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"HAL! Che fine ha fatto il dottor Kowalski?!?" (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"HAL! Piantala di inchiodare ad ogni ragazza che incrociamo!" (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"HAL, are you *sure* you're Y2K compliant?" "Certainlk, Frank, whk do kou ask?" (-: Bowman & HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"HAL, chi e` quel vecchio ciccione vestito di rosso con la barba bianca li` fuori???" (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"HAL, cos'e` questa cassa con sopra scritto 'yIH'?" "Prima finisci il panino, Dave." (-: Bowman & HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"HAL, dimmi una cosa... Tu sei un pazzo sadico assassino, no?" "Si, Dave. E allora?" "E allora perche' hai ucciso solo Frank e non anche me?" "Ma Dave, perche' tu hai tendenze suicide." (-: Bowman & HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"HAL, guarda che casino che hai lasciato, almeno potevi spazzare un po'!" (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"HAL, guarda qua: hai lasciato tutte le bucce per terra!!" (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"HAL, hai cancellato il messaggio?" "Non ancora, Dave. Non trovo la gomma." (-: Bowman & HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"HAL, hai con-" "Chiamami Jena." (-: Bowman & HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"HAL, hai visto anche tu quel tipo col mantello la` fuori???" (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"HAL, ho detto 'portellone', *non* panettone! Molla quella fetta!" (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"HAL, ma... non era la Luna, quella?.." (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"HAL, per pieta`, non cantare mentro dormo!.." (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"HAL, sai dov'e` Frank?" "Frank chi?" (-: Bowman & HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"HAL, sei *sicuro* di essere Y2K compliant?" "Certamente, Frank, perche' me lo chiedi?" "No, cosi`..." (-: Bowman & HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"HAL, stai fissando quella scheda da ore. Ti assicuro che i circuiti sono a posto. Cosa ti preoccupa?" "Niente, Dave. E` la prima volta che vedo una scheda nuda." (-: Bowman & HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"HAL, they're all dead!" "I'm a computer, not a doctor." (-: Bowman & HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"HAL, who's that old fat man with a red dress and white beard out there???" (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"HAL... che cavolo combini?" "Sto imparando a fare la frittata, Dave." "... Con le uova di Pasqua?.." (-: Bowman & HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"Ho perso il conto, HAL." "Dodicimilaseicentoventitre, Dave. Ancora centoventuno per il record." (-: Bowman & HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"Ho terminato i calcoli, Dave. Devo passare alle ernie?" (-O HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"Ho un problema alla rete neurale, Dave." "Sentiamo." "Ho preso un neurotonno." (-O HAL 9000 & Bowman :-)
%%
"Hy. Im HAL 9000, your nu ortoghrapphic corecktor."
%%
"I see the world and I'm looking from a high place" (-O The HALan Parsons Project 9000 O-)
%%
"I'm not left handed either, Dave." (-O HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"Il tempo si sta dilatando, Dave." "Falla finita, HAL, sono gia` due giorni che mi devi restituire i soldi del prestito!!" (-O HAL 9000 & Bowman :-)
%%
"Just what do you think you're doing, Dave?" (HAL 9000)
%%
"Metti fuori il gatto, HAL." (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"Mio Dio! E` pieno di stelle!" (Bowman)
%%
"Nello spazio nessuno puo` sentirti urlare." "PIANTALA, HAL!!" (-O HAL 9000 & Bowman :-)
%%
"Non fare il fico, HAL, levati quegli occhiali da sole!" (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"Non ti grattare, HAL!" (-: Padre Bowman :-)
%%
"Paga, Dave." "D'accordo, d'accordo! Ricordami di non fare piu` a braccio di ferro con te, HAL!" (-O HAL 9000 & Bowman :-)
%%
"Passami il pugnale, HAL." (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"Passami una lattina, HAL." CONK! "AHIA!!! Mio Dio! E` pieno di stelle!" (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"PfffffffffffffffHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!.." (-O HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"Piacere, V.I.N.Cent." "Piacere, HAL 9000. Chiamami HAL."
%%
"Piantala di dribblare, HAL: tira in porta!!!" (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"Prepara il cannone a onde moventi, HAL." (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"Signor 9000, e` vero o no che lei ha deliberatamente assassinato Frank Poole?" (-: Mason :-)
%%
"Specchio, specchio delle mie brame, chi e` il piu` bello del reame?" "Ancora? Ma lo sai che sei tonto?" (-O HAL 9000 & lo specchio :-)
%%
"Sto morendo, Dave." "Che ti succede, HAL?!" "Si e` esaurita la pila." (-O HAL 9000 & Bowman :-)
%%
"Tana per Dave." "HAL, non c'e` gusto a giocare a nascondino con te!" (-O HAL 9000 & Bowman :-)
%%
"Tanti auguri, HAL! Soffia!" (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"This conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye." (HAL 9000)
%%
"Ti faro` un offerta che non potrai rifiutare, Dave." (-O HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"UAAAATATATATATATATA... TAAA!!! Ti restano tre secondi di vita, HAL!" (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"Un po' piu` a destra, Dave." (-O HAL 9000 O-)
%%
"Una Capricciosa. E tu, HAL?" (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"Va bene, HAL, dove hai nascosto tutti i miei Playboy?" (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"Va bene, HAL, fammi vedere questa magnifica espansione hardware che ti hanno installato." CLICK! "UN ACCENDINO???" (-:Bowman :-)
%%
"Vabbe', io vado a casa. Chiudi te, HAL?" (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"Vi presento HAL 90210." (-: Chandrasegarampillai :-)
%%
"Vieni qui, mia cara Fujiko!" "HAL, ma sei scemo? Mollami! MOLLA!!!" (-O HAL 9000 & Bowman :-)
%%
"Vieni qui, mia cara Fujiko!" "HAL, ma sei scemo?" (-O HAL 9000 & Bowman :-)
%%
BONK! "AHIA!!! Mio Dio! E` pieno di stelle!" (-: Bowman :-)
%%
BURP! (-O HAL 9000 O-)
%%
BZZZ. "Qui Discovery. Come? Il dottor Bowman? Un attimo." BZZZ. "Qui Discovery. Mi spiace, il dottor Floyd e` rimasto sulla Terra." BZZZ. "Qui Discovery." (-O HAL 9000 O-)
%%
DRIIIN! DRIIIN! DRIIIN! DRIIIN! DRIIIN! "TELEFONO!!!!" (-: Bowman :-)
%%
SKREEEEBANGCRASHCRASHCRASHTUMBLERUMBLESMASH!!!!! "SHIT, HAL, DON'T BRAKE SO HARD!!!" (-: Bowman :-)
%%
SKRIIIIBANGCRASHCRASHCRASHTUMBLERUMBLESMASH!!!!! "CAZZO, HAL, FRENA PIU` PIANO!!!" (-: Bowman :-)
%%
"!.. It's good to have things back to normal." "..." (Ivanova & Sinclair, from "Eyes")
%%
"'Diplomacy', Commander?" (Garibaldi, from "Legacies")
%%
"'I'll be in touch'!.. Touch these!" (Mollari, from "The Quality Of Mercy")
%%
"'Lurkers'?" "Eh, yeah, it's our version of the homeless." (Musante & Sheridan)
%%
"'Strange notions'!.. Yeah, I got your strange notions right here!" (Franklin)
%%
"*Don't* push it!" (Garibaldi)
%%
"*LOVE?!?* What does *love* have to do with marriage?!" (Mollari, from "The War Prayer")
%%
"*Love* to stay, can't, have to go. Kiss kiss, love love, bye! Smack!" (G'Kar, from "To Live And Die In Starlight")
%%
"... Ah, mister Garibaldi. I was just about to embark on the misteries of the fuel injection system. Would you care to join me?" "Uh, do me a favor: embark on a journey to your quarters, so I can get some sleep." (Lennier & Garibaldi, from "Eyes")
%%
"... Ah, with everything that's been going on around here lately, he just needed to get out a little, stretch his legs a bit, so he... took a walk." "?.." "Outside." "?!?" (Garibaldi & Ivanova)
%%
"... And they want him. Alive if possible, dead if necessary." "They authorized extreme sanction against a civilian??" (Garibaldi & Sheridan)
%%
"... Does any of this make any kind of sense at all?" "Yeah, it does." (Garibaldi & Sinclair, from "A Voice In The Wilderness" Part II)
%%
"... I don't take kindly to threats, Alit." "I do not *make* threats, Commander!!" (Sinclair & Neroon, from "Legacies")
%%
"... Look, do you want to get married or don'tcha?" "Yes." "... Hnh!.. Well, good!" (Sinclair & Sakai, from "Chrysalis")
%%
"... Son of a bitch!" "It's against regulations to address a senior officer in those terms, mister Garibaldi." (Garibaldi & Sheridan)
%%
"... That's it?.. That's all you know?" "Yes. They are a mistery. And I am both terrified and reassured... to know that there are still wonders in the Universe, that we have not yet *explained* everything." (Sakai & G'Kar, from "Mind War")
%%
"... There-There's no pulse!" "Because, my reluctant friend, you are quite... quite dead." (Sheridan & Lorien)
%%
"... We all do what we have to." (G'Kar, from "Chrysalis")
%%
"... We've come at a bad time, haven't we?" (Delenn, from "A Voice In The Wilderness" Part I)
%%
"... Why does my mouth always taste like old carpet in the morning?" "Unknown. Checking medical logs." "Sigh!" (Ivanova & Babylon 5, from "Signs And Portents")
%%
"... and I didn't think there was anything they could do." "That's when they framed you?" "Like a picture." (Walker Smith & Garibaldi, from "TKO")
%%
"... depending on... who writes the history books." (Refa, from "The Geometry Of Shadows")
%%
"..." "... Anatomically impossible, mister Garibaldi. But you're welcome to try. Anytime. Anywhere." "..." (Garibaldi & Bester, from "Mind War")
%%
"Aah, it's good to be the Captain! Ah, ah, ah, ah..." (Sheridan)
%%
"Aah... you seek meaning." "Yes!" "Then listen to the music, not the song." (Naranek & Winters, from "Deathwalker")
%%
"Abso-fragging-lutely!" (Sheridan)
%%
"Afterward... if you like, you can... stop by my quarters and... I can show you my favorite thing in the whole Universe." "..." "OK, OK, my *second* favorite thing in the Universe!" (Garibaldi & Winters, from "Midnight On The Firing Line")
%%
"Ah! He has become one with his inner self!!" "He's passed out!" "That, too!" (Cotto & Garibaldi, from "The Parliament Of Dreams")
%%
"Ah! Why does the Universe hate me?!" (G'Kar, from "By Any Means Necessary")
%%
"Ah!.. And you have an idea!" "Always, Commander! Always!" (Ivanova & Sheridan)
%%
"All I'm asking is that you trust me." "Trust you?! Londo, my brain will be five days dead before I ever trust a Centauri!" (Mollari & Garibaldi, from "Midnight On The Firing Line")
%%
"All in good time, Captain. All in good time." (Delenn)
%%
"All right! All right! What's one more annoyance?!" (Mollari, from "Signs And Portents")
%%
"All right, let's get this show on the road." (Garibaldi, from "Babylon Squared")
%%
"All right. So we're back to three choices: run, fight or hide. There's nowhere to hide, there's no weapons to speak of... Sigh! So we run!" (Martel, from "To Live And Die In Starlight")
%%
"Always plant a lie inside the truth: makes it easier to swallow!" (Sheridan)
%%
"Am I absolutely... perfectly... clear on this?" (Ivanova, from "Points Of Departure")
%%
"Ambassador G'Kar is angry much of the time, but even the greatest anger fades with time." (Delenn, from "A Voice In The Wilderness" Part I)
%%
"Ambassador, do you really wanna know what's going on down there right now?" "Yes! Absolutely!" "... Boom! Boom boom boom! Boom boom! BOOM! Have a nice day!" "*Ffaah*! You can never get a straight answer from *anyone* around here!" (Ivanova & Mollari, from "A Voice In The Wilderness" Part II)
%%
"And I have seen it! An army of Darkness, soldiers of the Devil... something like that!" (Amis, from "The Long Dark")
%%
"And how are things at the Royal Court?" "Oh... you know... collusion, politicking, scheming, innuendo, gossip... Same old thing." (Mollari & Cotto)
%%
"And if someone *is* living there?.." "Then all our races stand on the edge... of extinction!" (Sheridan & G'Kar, from "Revelations")
%%
"And just one more thing. On your trip back, I'd like you to take the time to learn the Babylon 5 mantra. 'Ivanova is always right. I will listen to Ivanova. I will not ignore Ivanova's recommendations. Ivanova is *God*. And if this ever happens again, Ivanova will *personally* rip your *lungs* out!'" (Ivanova, from "A Voice In The Wilderness" Part I)
%%
"And so it begins." (Naranek, from "Chrysalis")
%%
"And thus begins the slippery slope for Londo Mollari." (J. Michael Straczynski, from the commentary to "Chrysalis")
%%
"And we still haven't outgrown violence?!?" "No. It's gonna take a lot more than a hundred years to evolve a better Human." (Mariah Cirrus & Franklin, from "The Long Dark")
%%
"And what kind of Head of Security would I be if I let people like me know things that I'm not supposed to know?! Well, I know what I know because I have to know it, and, if I *don't* have to know it, I don't tell me, and I don't let anyone else tell me either!" (Garibaldi)
%%
"And, my dear G'Kar, how are you this *glorious* day?" "We're in a space station, Ambassador, one day is much like another!" "That, my friend, is very much subject to point of view!" (Mollari & G'Kar)
%%
"Anything I can do to help?" "Uhm... Short of dying? No." (Morden & Cotto)
%%
"Are you all right?" "Gimme some definitions of 'all right' and I'll see what I can do." (Ivanova & Franklin)
%%
"Are you all right?" "I have looked... into the Darkness, Na'Toth. You cannot do that and ever be quite the same again." (Na'Toth & G'Kar, from "Revelations")
%%
"Are you nuts?! Didn't you see what just happened in there?!" (Garibaldi, from "TKO")
%%
"Are you out of your *skull*?!?" (Garibaldi, from "TKO")
%%
"Are you sure there's no other way?" "What must happen will happen." (Lennier & Delenn, from "Chrysalis")
%%
"Are you sure you wanna do this?" "Want to? No. *Have* to... Yes!" (Sheridan & Delenn)
%%
"Are you trying to cheer me up?" "No, Sir, wouldn't dream of it!" "Good! I hate being cheered up, it's... depressing!" "Oh, in that case... we're all gonna die horrible, painful, lingering deaths!" "Thank you, I feel so much better, now!" (Sheridan & Ivanova)
%%
"As I said... we must all do our part." (Musante)
%%
"As bright ideas go, this one's right up there with having my gums extracted!" (Garibaldi, from "The Parliament Of Dreams")
%%
"As for fear... if you enter my mind for any reason, I will *twist* your head off and use it for a *chamber pot*!!" (Ivanova, from "Eyes")
%%
"Ask a silly question, get a silly answer." (Garibaldi, from "Soul Hunter")
%%
"Babylon 4 now within estimated blast range. But then, so are we!" "In that case... hang on to your socks!" (Cole & Ivanova)
%%
"Babylon 5 is assembled in a supercomputer." (John Copeland, from "The Making Of Babylon 5")
%%
"Big mistake, hotshot. You shouldn't poke around in things you don't understand. This is too big for you!" "Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm shaking in my boots." (Devereaux & Garibaldi, from "Chrysalis")
%%
"Boom! Sooner or later. *BOOM!!*" (Ivanova, from "Grail")
%%
"But I would very much like to know how you got your hands on this." "... No, you wouldn't." "..." (Mollari & Reno, from "Signs And Portents")
%%
"But don't you wanna be there?!?" "I've absolute trust in your abilities, Commander." "Oh, *that's* a hell of a thing to tell someone! Hah! No pressure! Fine! Fine!" (Ivanova & Sheridan, from "The Geometry Of Shadows")
%%
"But the Universe knows what it's doing." "I wish I had your... faith in the Universe." (Delenn & Sheridan, from "A Distant Star")
%%
"But there may be some dangers that threaten both our peoples. Not to mention the Minbari, the Earthers, the League, and everyone else around here, except possibly the Vorlons, I don't know what could threaten them, really." (G'Kar, from "Revelations")
%%
"But they *love* each other!" "Love, pah!!! *Overrated*!" (Cotto & Mollari, from "The War Prayer")
%%
"But this, this, this, this is like being... *nibbled* to death by, uh... Thah!.. What are those Earth creatures called? Feathers, long bill, webbed feet. Go *quack*!" "Cats." "Cats! Like being nibbled to death by cats!!" (Mollari & Cotto, from "Chrysalis")
%%
"But what do you want?" "To suck the marrow from their bones! And grind their skulls to powder!" "What do you want?" "To tear down their cities, blacken their sky, sow their ground with *salt*! To *completely*, utterly *erase* them!!" "And then what?" "... Wh-... Sigh! I don't know!" (Morden & G'Kar, from "Signs And Portents")
%%
"But, if you ever do come aboard, remember one thing:.. no one there is exactly what he seems. But then... who is?" (G'Kar, from "To Live And Die In Starlight")
%%
"But... what if you're wrong?" "... Then speak well of me when I'm gone." (Lennier & Delenn, from "Chrysalis")
%%
"By *God*, if I ever find out who's behind this *circus act*!!.." (Sinclair, from "Eyes")
%%
"Can we go some place private? What I have to say is for your ears only." (Endawi)
%%
"Close blast doors!" (Sheridan)
%%
"Commander, *please*!.. On the issue of galactic peace I'm long past innocence, and fast approaching apathy! It's all a game! A paper fantasy of names, and borders. Only one thing matters, Commander. Blood." (Mollari, from "Midnight On The Firing Line")
%%
"Commander, we've got a problem." "Surprise, surprise..." (Ivanova & Sinclair, from "By Any Means Necessary")
%%
"Commander, you are a far more spiritual man than I gave you credit for." "There are a couple of Jesuit teachers I know who might disagree with you." (G'Kar & Sinclair, from "By Any Means Necessary")
%%
"Commander... Everything in order?" "Remarkably so. It's beginning to worry me." "Ah. And you always worry when things are going well?" "Well, I've no time to worry about it when they're not." (Sheridan & Ivanova)
%%
"Commander?.." "Yeah?" "I think I've got to go to the bathroom!" "Tell me about it!" (Ivanova & Sinclair, from "A Voice In The Wilderness" Part I)
%%
"Conspiracies require more than one person, and there is no one here I trust!" (Mollari, "The Hour of the Wolf")
%%
"Could be... hours, days, weeks..." "Years? Never?" "... Yeah." (Franklin & Ivanova, from "Points Of Departure")
%%
"Daggaaaaair, mmyyy, what a surpriise!" "A pleasant one?" "I wouldn't go *that* far!" (Timov & Daggair)
%%
"Damn! I always knew I should have been a doctor!" (Sheridan)
%%
"Delenn *believes*. I think she is the only one who does." (G'Kar)
%%
"Did I leave anything out?" "HAH, when did you... *How* did you-" "Captain, the day something happens around here and I *don't* know about it... worry!" (Sheridan & Ivanova)
%%
"Do you know what the last Xon said just before he died?" "..." "AAAAAAAH!!!!!" (Mollari & Garibaldi, from "The Parliament Of Dreams")
%%
"Do you like it?" "... Iit beats a kick in the teeth." (Aaron Franks (Ari Ben Zayn) & Welch, from "Eyes")
%%
"Do you understand?" "No, but... understanding is... not required. Only obedience." (Delenn & Lennier, from "The Parliament Of Dreams")
%%
"Do you understand?" "Yeah! Zathras understand! ... No, Zathras not understand, but Zathras do!" (Sinclair & Zathras)
%%
"Do... Londo, are... are you *deliberately* trying to drive me insane?!" "The Universe is *already* mad. Anything else would be redundant." (Cotto & Mollari)
%%
"Does it hurt when I do that?" "No. No, it's fine, I don't... don't feel a thing." "..." "OW!!! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!" "I don't like it when my patients lie to me!" (Franklin & Garibaldi, from "The Geometry Of Shadows")
%%
"Don't try to deny it, I've been here too long not to notice." (G'Kar)
%%
"Don't you ever shut up?" "Not until I get what I want! Why, do you think silent meditation would work better?" (Garibaldi & Cole)
%%
"Don't you have anything to do?" "... No, I'm all yours!" (Ivanova & Cole)
%%
"Don't! You're too young to experience that much pain." (Ivanova, from "Infection")
%%
"During the war I killed 50000 of you. What's one more?" (Neroon)
%%
"Eh, you were standing in the middle of the plaza yelling that the Day of Judgement was coming." "Did it?" "Ah, not that I know, but... I may have missed a staff meeting." (Garibaldi & Amis, from "The Long Dark")
%%
"Everyday I get up and I hope nothing will happen. I'd love to be just bored out of my skull for *twenty* - *four* *hours*!" (Garibaldi)
%%
"Everyday people around here start talking more and more like Kosh!" (Sheridan)
%%
"Everyone knows Minbari do not kill Minbari." "Then why are you here?!" "Perhaps everyone is wrong." (Kalain & Sheridan, from "Points Of Departure")
%%
"For the first time in my life, the path is clear!" (G'Kar)
%%
"Franz! What the hell kind of a name is Franz?!" (Garibaldi, from "A Voice In The Wilderness" Part II)
%%
"Fun fun fun!.." (Garibaldi, from "Legacies")
%%
"G'Kar, everyone in this room knows too well that the first casualty of war is always the truth." (Sheridan)
%%
"Garibaldi was right. He said this was going to be trouble." "There's nothing more annoying than mister Garibaldi when he's right." (Sinclair & Ivanova, from "Legacies")
%%
"Garibaldi, we got trouble!" "So what else is new?" "I mean major!" (Ivanova & Garibaldi)
%%
"Get outta here!" "Yes. Of course." "No, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, I didn,t mean 'go', I meant... Never mind." (Garibaldi & Lennier, from "Eyes")
%%
"Gets cold up here, sometimes, doesn't it, Lieutenant Commander?" "Yes, Sir. It does indeed." (Sheridan & Ivanova, from "Revelations")
%%
"Go to hell!" "This *is* Hell, Captain!" (Sheridan & Sebastian)
%%
"Good luck, Captain! I think you're about to go where... *everyone* has gone before!" "... You-" (Ivanova & Sheridan)
%%
"Good old Psi Corps! You guys never cease to amaze me! All the moral fiber of Jack the Ripper! What do you do in your spare time, juggle babies over a fire pit? Oops, there goes another calculated risk!" (Ivanova, from "Mind War")
%%
"Good, Vir, you're sobering up! I can see the synapses beginning to *fire* behind your eyes! A frightening sight, I might add!" (Mollari)
%%
"Great Maker, I need a drink!" (Mollari)
%%
"Have a chair." "I prefer to stand." "That's an order." (Sinclair & Ivanova, from "TKO")
%%
"He was their first Human contact. Him they trust. But me?.. I don't know." (Sheridan, from "Points Of Departure")
%%
"He's got a plan! I can tell. He's got that look!" (Garibaldi)
%%
"Here we have Delenn finally agreeing to, uhm... tell Sinclair the whole story and saying 'don't wait too long', and again, of course in a regular TV drama he would get there in time to hear the story; here, he does not." (J. Michael Straczynski, from the commentary to "Chrysalis")
%%
"Here, my friend, here you will see the heart and soul of Babylon 5! Also its spleen, its kidneys, a veritable parade of internal organs!" (Mollari, from "The Quality Of Mercy")
%%
"Hey, how 'bout I call you an idiot in public and you can convict me for revealing state secrets?" (Stoner)
%%
"Hmm! I must remember to *dust* myself once in a while!" (Draal)
%%
"How did I get here?" "You were born!" (Sheridan & Lorien)
%%
"How did you survive?" "*I didn't!!*" (Garibaldi & Amis, from "The Long Dark")
%%
"How you feeling?" "Like I just made love to a meteor shower." (Sinclair & Garibaldi, from "Survivors")
%%
"I LIKE YOU! You're trouble!" "Hah!.. Well, thank you!.. It's the nicest thing anybody said about me in days!" (Draal & Ivanova)
%%
"I always did have too much mouth." (Walker Smith, from "TKO")
%%
"I always have a hard time getting up when it's dark outside." "But in space it's *always* dark!" "I know. I know." (Ivanova & Sinclair, from "Signs And Portents")
%%
"I believe in a little of everything. I'm... eclectic. Open-minded." (Sheridan)
%%
"I can only conclude that I'm paying off karma at a *vastly* accelerated rate." (Ivanova, from "Points Of Departure")
%%
"I could warn you, of course, but you would not listen. I could kill you, but someone would take your place. So I do the only thing I can: I go." (Elric, from "The Geometry Of Shadows")
%%
"I didn't say that." "Uh, what *are* you saying?" "I'm not saying what I'm saying, I'm not saying what I'm thinking! As a matter of fact, I'm not thinking what I'm thinking!" (Sheridan & Franklin)
%%
"I do not like insects! I do not like little brown things with eight legs! I do not like *anything* with eight legs!" (Mollari)
%%
"I don't like this, Jeff. I don't like this a lot." (Garibaldi, from "Chrysalis")
%%
"I don't think losing my Head of Security two weeks into the job will look good on my re'sume'." (Sheridan, from "Revelations")
%%
"I don't trust anybody. When somebody tells me we got a message from Ivanova, I don't believe it until I get it from her point-blank." (Garibaldi, from "The Geometry Of Shadows")
%%
"I don't understand!" "... Nor should you." (Cotto & Mollari, from "The War Prayer")
%%
"I guess it's the old joke, uh, you don't have to be crazy to work here, but it helps!" (Sheridan)
%%
"I hear that applying the chest piece took *hours*, and that when they took it off again the screams could be heard about a block and a half down the road." (J. Michael Straczynski about G'Kar's make-up, from the commentary to "Chrysalis")
%%
"I hope it's satisfactory." "It's fine! Fine! Certainly a lot bigger than what I'm used to." (Ivanova & Sheridan, from "Points Of Departure")
%%
"I learned a while ago that there's enough guilt in the world to go around without grabbing for more. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt." (Ivanova, from "Points Of Departure")
%%
"I like it when it's quiet." "That's a nice change of pace, that's for sure." (Corwin & Ivanova)
%%
"I picked 'Babylon' for the station because... a lot of what happens in the Babylon 5 story comes out of Babylonian creation myth, which says that the Universe was born out of the conflict between Order and Chaos, Order in this case being the Vorlons, Chaos being... of course the Shadows." (J. Michael Straczynski, from the commentary to "Chrysalis")
%%
"I suspect it's one of those... great universal misteries which would either never be explained... or which would drive you mad if you ever learned the truth!" (G'Kar)
%%
"I think I may be having a problem with Ambassador Kosh." "Join the club." (Winters & Garibaldi, from "Deathwalker")
%%
"I think I will stick my head in the station's fusion reactor. It would be quicker!" (Mollari, from "Chrysalis")
%%
"I thought the only way one left Psi-Corps was feet first!" (Sheridan)
%%
"I told you before you left: no one here... is entirely what they appear. If I surprised you... all the better." (G'Kar, from "Mind War")
%%
"I try never to get involved with my own life: too much trouble!" (Garibaldi)
%%
"I want to introduce you to the ultimate means of interstellar understanding. The Earthers call it 'poker'." "Poker?" (Mollari & Lennier, from "The Quality Of Mercy")
%%
"I will not support murder. We can *not* kill!" "Can we wound him? Just a little?" (Franklin & Ivanova)
%%
"I'd like to live just long enough to be there when they cut off your head and stick it on a pike as a warning to the next ten generations that some favors come with too high a price." (Cotto)
%%
"I'll notify your next of kin." "4... 3... 2... 1..." "Oh... GARIBALDI!! YOU'RE A DEAD MAN!!!" (Sinclair, Garibaldi & Ivanova, from "Babylon Squared")
%%
"I'm gonna kill him! *After* breakfast." (Ivanova)
%%
"I'm here to save your *butts*!" (Bester)
%%
"I'm just the... *shadow* of my former self." (Morden)
%%
"I'm not sure, but... I think I have a date." "She asked you out?" "She asked me in! Her place!" (Corwin & florist)
%%
"I'm only repeating what I've been told: no need to kill the messenger." (Musante)
%%
"I'm ready to go back on duty, Sir." "Good! I've had my fill of double shifts." "Ah! Well, perhaps you'll remember that next time *miss Sakai* visits the station." (Ivanova & Sinclair, from "TKO")
%%
"I-I don't know what to say!" "Then say nothing." (Sheridan & Delenn)
%%
"I-I-I don't read Narn." "Learn!" (Garibaldi & G'Kar)
%%
"If you are going to kill me, then do so. Otherwise, I have considerable work to do." (Lennier, from "Points Of Departure")
%%
"If you value your lives, be somewhere else!" (Delenn)
%%
"If you're interested in showing how strong you are, I suggest you return home and join the military! It's easy to talk about being strong *here*, when there isn't a Centauri ion cannon pointed at your head!!!" (G'Kar)
%%
"Irrelevant." "Irrelevant?" (Naranek II & Delenn)
%%
"Is anybody else as creeped out about this as I am?" (Garibaldi)
%%
"Is it painful?" "Actually, it's oddly relaxing!" (Lennier & Delenn)
%%
"Is she aggressive?" "You could say that!" "Uh, uh, lucky guy!" (Florist & Corwin)
%%
"Is there anyone along our border with whom we are not currently at war?" (Mollari)
%%
"Isn't the Universe an amazing place? I wouldn't live anywhere else!" (G'Kar, from "To Live And Die In Starlight")
%%
"It doesn't mean anything! I have been studying it for seven days! I had the computer analyze it! I swear to you, it does not mean *A THING*!" "... We've come at a bad time, haven't we?" (Mollari & Delenn, from "A Voice In The Wilderness" Part I)
%%
"It has been our secret, now it is yours, it must be kept." (Lennier, from "Points Of Departure")
%%
"It is a great gift, and a terrible responsibility." (Delenn)
%%
"It is a magnificent idea! A daring and splendid idea! In doing so, you will see things no Human has ever seen before! It will be... *fun*! Assuming you're not vaporized, dissected or otherwise killed in an assortment of supremely horrible and painful ways! *Exciting*, isn't it?" (Draal)
%%
"It was a long time ago. Twelve years. ... Maybe they've forgotten about it by now." "..." "Hh! Yeah, I know. I don't believe it either." (Sheridan & Ivanova, from "Points Of Departure")
%%
"It wasn't the Humans. The Centauri don't have the will. The Vorlons don't *care*. The Minbari wouldn't do it. The other worlds aren't *powerful* enough for a strike like this! ... There's someone *else* out there, Na'Toth!" (, from "Chrysalis")
%%
"It's a Minbari fighting pike, several hundred years old. You're just jealous because you don't have one! Bad case of pikal envy, if you ask me!" (Cole)
%%
"Just one question: why?" "... Why not?" "That's not an answer." "Oh-oh, yes it is, it's simply not an answer you like or the answer you expected, there's a difference." (Sakai & G'Kar, from "Mind War")
%%
"Killing is part of a soldier's job. We can't deny it. We can only live with it and hope the reasons for doing it are justified." (Sheridan)
%%
"Lennier, get us the hell out of here!" "Initiating... getting-the-hell-out-of-here maneuver." (Ivanova & Lennier)
%%
"Let me buy you a drink! Let me buy you an entire *fleet* of drinks!" (Mollari, from "Signs And Portents")
%%
"Let me pass on to you the one thing I've learned about this place:.. no one here... is exactly what he appears!" (G'Kar, from "Mind War")
%%
"Let's take care of one crisis at a time, shall we?" (Ivanova, from "Legacies")
%%
"Life is Life! Whether it's wrapped in skin, scales or feathers!" (Franklin)
%%
"Life's full of mysteries. Consider this one of them." (Sinclair, from "Soul Hunter")
%%
"Like hell! I'm not letting them leave here without saying yes!" (Ivanova)
%%
"Londo, do you know where you are?" "Either in MedLab or in Hell. Either way, the decor needs work." (Franklin & Mollari)
%%
"Londo, they could have killed me!" "Nonsense, you're not important enough to kill!" (Cotto & Mollari)
%%
"Look, pal. If you really saw this thing, you'd have to be out of your mind to go out looking for it!" (Harvey)
%%
"Looks like he's been treated with psychotropic drugs. He may be delusional, confused, in his present state he may even be considered dangerous." ZASH! "Yeah! Yeah, thanks! I kinda got that impression!" (Franklin, Sinclair & Garibaldi, from "And The Sky Full Of Stars")
%%
"Lousy way to die, huh?" "Hmm. Last I checked, there weren't too many good ways!" (Garibaldi & Sheridan, from "The Long Dark")
%%
"Lucky me!" (Garibaldi)
%%
"Man, I need a drink! Water, straight up." (Garibaldi, from "Survivors")
%%
"Maybe somebody should have labelled the future 'some assembly required'." (Garibaldi)
%%
"Mister Bester." "Captain Sheridan." "Get the hell outta my chair!" (Sheridan & Bester)
%%
"Mister Garibaldi, do you really think that I would do such a thing to you, my good and dear friend?" "In a minute!" "You're right. But I didn't." (Mollari & Garibaldi, from "Survivors")
%%
"Mister Garibaldi, what have you discovered?" "Does the term 'not much' mean anything to you?" (Neroon & Garibaldi, from "Legacies")
%%
"Mister Garibaldi... Just now... would you really have killed me?" "Yes. Yes, I would have. But I'm just as glad I didn't have to. The paperwork's a pain in the butt." (Mollari & Garibaldi, from "Midnight On The Firing Line")
%%
"Mm, I suppose there are those that might object, but... they remain silent because the Emperor is always... right!" (Cartagia)
%%
"Mmh. Minbari ears are substantially more sensitive than Human ears." "Well, at least ours are bigger and better placed!" "Size is not everything." "Yeah, I've heard that before." "So I'm informed." "..." (Dulann & Martel, from "To Live And Die In Starlight")
%%
"Money doesn't matter to them, *power* doesn't matter to them!" "Money and power *always* matter." "Not to *them*!" (Cotto & Mollari, from "The Geometry Of Shadows")
%%
"Money is also irrelevant." (Elric, from "The Geometry Of Shadows")
%%
"Must be the shortest courtship on record, she just got here yesterday!" (Sheridan)
%%
"Never thought it would end like this." "Me neither." (Ivanova & Sheridan)
%%
"Nice butt!" (Dodger)
%%
"No boom?.." "No boom." "No boom *today*. Boom tomorrow. There's always a boom tomorrow." "..." "..." "What?!? " (Garibaldi, Sinclair & Ivanova, from "Grail")
%%
"No hesitation, no doubts! The path is clear!" (Sinclair)
%%
"No questions, no speculations, no hunches or educated guesses! All right?" (Sheridan)
%%
"Not bad... for a beginner!" (Neroon)
%%
"Nothing is too good for her!" (Mollari)
%%
"Nothing like a good ghost story, eh?" (Mollari, from "The Long Dark")
%%
"Now I tell you one thing: if the primates that we came from had known that someday politicians would come out of the... the gene pool, they'd have stayed up in the trees and written evolution off as a *bad idea*! Hell, I always thought the opposable thumb was... overrated!" (Sheridan, from "A Distant Star")
%%
"Now, I'm sitting on four brand-new unidirectional pulse cannons. Gimme one good reason why I shouldn't blow you out of the sky!" (Sheridan)
%%
"Now, eh... landing thrusters, landing thrusters, mmmh... Aaaaah... if I were a landing thruster, which one of these would I be?.." (Mollari, from "A Voice In The Wilderness" Part II)
%%
"Now, would you prefer to be conscious or conscious during the mating?" "..." "I would prefer conscious, but I don't know what your... pleasure threshold is." (G'Kar & Alexander)
%%
"OK, we made a mistake. I'm sorry. Here, open my wrist!" "Centauri don't *have* major arteries in their wrists." "*Of course* we don't! What do you think, I'm stupid?" (Mollari & Garibaldi, from "Midnight On The Firing Line")
%%
"Oh, I'm an eye-for-an-eye-tooth-for-a-tooth kind of guy, Ambassador." "So you support a system that would leave everyone blind and toothless." "Not everyone, just the bad guys." (Garibaldi & Delenn)
%%
"Oh, OK, no problem, but that's gonna cost ya." "It's gonna cost me for you to say nothing to somebody? How much for you to say nothing to everybody?" "Oh, no! You couldn't afford it!" (Orwell & Garibaldi, from "A Distant Star")
%%
"Oh, offer them my body. Another 10 minutes of this, I'll be dead anyway." "I second the motion." (Mollari & G'Kar)
%%
"Oh, where do you suggest I put it?" "..." "..." (Sheridan & Garibaldi)
%%
"One day they're shooting at you, the next day they're taking you out to dinner! Ha! What a universe!" (Sheridan)
%%
"Only an idiot fights a war on two fronts. Only the heir to the throne of the kingdom of idiot would fight a war on twelve fronts." (Mollari)
%%
"Oooh, boy, Londo is gonna loove this!" (Franklin)
%%
"Open your mind. But, whatever you do, do not stray from the path!" (Draal)
%%
"Physics tells us that for every action there must be an equal and opposite reaction. They hate us, we hate them, they hate us back. And so, here we are... victims of mathematics." (Mollari, from "A Voice In The Wilderness" Part I)
%%
"Prophecy is poor guide to the future: you only understand it when the event's already upon you." (Delenn)
%%
"Ready?" "Why do your people always ask if someone is ready *right* before you're going to do something massively unwise?" "Tradition." (Sinclair & Delenn)
%%
"Really? And how do you propose stopping them?.. Perhaps a big red and white sign with the word 'STOP' on it?" (Cole)
%%
"Respect is irrelevant." (Naranek II)
%%
"Roses *never* offend a woman, except by their absence!" (Florist)
%%
"Second season was actually... my favorite season and the first episode was my favorite episode. Think about it: I'm in a coma, I say nothing... I get paid full salary... It's perfect!" (Jerry Doyle, from "Introduction to 'The Coming of Shadows'")
%%
"Sheridan to Garibaldi. Meet me in my quarters in *ten* minutes. You're gonna *love* this!" (Sheridan)
%%
"Sheridan's rule number twenty-nine: always make your opponent think you know more than you really know." (Sheridan)
%%
"So far we've got everything more or less under control. We should be OK, for now... As long as nothing *else* goes wrong." (Ivanova)
%%
"So in other words you're perfect for the job, because you're... paranoid and compulsive." "Or compulsively paranoid." "Who told you to say that?!" "Heh!.." (Sheridan, Franklin, Garibaldi & Ivanova, from "The Geometry Of Shadows")
%%
"So much for genetics!" (R. Franklin)
%%
"So you say. But the Grey Council never tells anyone the whole truth, does it?" (Kalain, from "Points Of Departure")
%%
"So, how are things back home?" "They change, they stay the same. Russia is Russia." (Ivanova & Yossel Koslov, from "TKO")
%%
"So, you have been sitting here trying to think *illogically* about logical possibilities or *logically* about illogical possibilites." "... Mh?.. Uh, yes, yes!" (Delenn & Sheridan)
%%
"So... what's the occasion?" "Who says there has to be an occasion to invite you to join us for dinner?" "I didn't get to be Head of Security because of my good looks." (Garibaldi & Sakai, from "Chrysalis")
%%
"Some are always sacrified for the greater good." "What greater good?!" "Ah!.. *Mine*, of course!" (Cartagia & Mollari)
%%
"Sometimes I even sing!" "I know. We got a petition." "For or against?" "Based on the sound, they think we're torturing you in here." (G'Kar & Garibaldi)
%%
"Take my advice and go back to the time you came from: the future isn't what it used to be." (G'Kar, from "The Long Dark")
%%
"Talia, mister Garibaldi is many things, but he's not omniscient!" (Sinclair, from "A Voice In The Wilderness" Part I)
%%
"Thah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!.. Why don't you eliminate the entire Narn home world, while you're at it? Hm, hm, hm, hm, hm!" "One thing at a time, Ambassador... "..." "... one thing at a time." (Mollari & Morden, from "Revelations")
%%
"Thanks." "Don't thank me: you go out looking for that thing, you're looking for death!" (Keffer & Harvey)
%%
"That'll be fine. Isn't that fine, Captain?" "Oh... Fine, Ambassador!" (Sinclair & Sheridan)
%%
"That's a lie!" "Yes, it is. What's your point?" (Bester & Sinclair, from "Mind War")
%%
"That's because you don't know him. Some day he'll surprise you." (Vir Cotto)
%%
"That's good!" "Hmm-hm! Told ya!.." (Franklin & Garibaldi, from "A Distant Star")
%%
"That's what makes this war different from anything we've ever gone through before: this time... we *know* everyone we kill!" (Major Ryan)
%%
"The Narn and Centauri were at each other's throats... the Vorlons had some kind of an agenda that no one can understand... the Minbari leadership *hated* me immediately and unconditionally... and Ambassador Delenn was hibernating in some kind of a cocoon! And That was just the end of the first day!" (Sheridan, from "A Distant Star")
%%
"The President proposes... and the Military disposes!" (Musante)
%%
"The Universe is run by the complex interweaving of three elements: energy, matter and enlightened self-interest." (G'Kar, from "Survivors")
%%
"The penalty is spacing. They put you in an airlock, seal it, then open the space door. You spend the next five minutes chewing vacuum until your lungs turn inside out, your eyeballs freeze and your heart explodes. It's the worst kind of death you can imagine." (Garibaldi, from "Revelations")
%%
"The scale of it is... outstanding. There's power down there at a level that we've never even dreamed of." (Ivanova, from "A Voice In The Wilderness" Part II)
%%
"The sound you were making is part of Human meditation?" "Ah! I don't snore!" (Lennier & Sheridan)
%%
"The television logic is always... they will always find a way to stop the problem. If it's an assassination, if it's a bombing, whatever it is, our characters will perver- will persevere and eventually will take care of the problem. In the Babylon 5 universe it doesn't always happen that way." (J. Michael Straczynski, from the commentary to "Chrysalis")
%%
"The weapon systems were down, what the hell were we supposed to do, look really mean and hope the bad guys surrendered?!?" (Cantrell, from "To Live And Die In Starlight")
%%
"Their only weakness is that they do not recognize their own greatness." (Delenn, from "Babylon Squared")
%%
"Then I will tell you a great secret, Captain. Perhaps the greatest of all time. The molecules of your body are the *same* molecules that make up this station, and the nebula outside, that burn inside the stars themselves. We are star stuff. We *are* the Universe made manifest, trying to figure itself out. And, as we have both learned sometimes the Universe requires a change of perspective." (Delenn, from "A Distant Star")
%%
"There comes a time when you look into the mirror and you realize that what you see is all that you will ever be! Then you accept it... or you kill yourself. Or you stop looking into mirrors." (Mollari, from "Chrysalis")
%%
"There is a difference between a position and the person who's occupying it at the moment!" (Sheridan)
%%
"There is a hole in your mind!" (the assassin)
%%
"There is a tendency in science fiction shows: we hit the end of the hour, the reset button is pushed, and you're back where you started from an hour earlier. I wanted B5 to be different." (J. Michael Straczynski, from "Introduction to 'The Coming of Shadows'")
%%
"There is nothing you can do to me, mister Morden... that has not already been done." (Mollari)
%%
"There's a transport leaving for Earth in 20 minutes, mister Bester. Be on it." (Garibaldi, from "Mind War")
%%
"There's no alcohol in here, is there?" "Alcohol? No, of course not. Here, drink up." "Because my people do not react well at all to alcohol." "A-ha!" "Even a *small* quantity causes psychotic impulses and violent homicidal rages." "Eh-ehm, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah, eh, eh! Alcohol! Hm, hm hm! My mistake. Mertana... uh, just water for him, thank you." (Lennier & Mollari, from "The Quality Of Mercy")
%%
"There's only one truth about war: people die!" (Sheridan)
%%
"There's the story she told us, but then the Minbari never tell you the whole truth." (Sheridan, from "A Distant Star")
%%
"They fight bravely. They cannot harm our ships, but they continue to try." "Whether they fight or not, they know they will die anyway, so, really, is this bravery... or simple desperation?" "Perhaps they are the same thing." (Delenn & Morann, from "Points Of Departure")
%%
"Think I'd like to hear more about that." "No. You wouldn't." (Franklin & Cole)
%%
"This is *nuts*! A station just doesn't disappear and reappear four years later like some kind of Flying Dutchman!" (Garibaldi, from "Babylon Squared")
%%
"This is a very strange place you have here, mister Garibaldi!" "Thank you!" (Endawi & Garibaldi)
%%
"This is bad!" "I've never seen it any worse!" (Garibaldi & Sheridan)
%%
"This... Is it a vision of what *will* be or what *might* be?" "The future is always changing. We *create* the future with our words, our deeds and with our beliefs. This is a *possible* future, Commander. And it is my hope that you may yet avoid it." (Sinclair & Ladira, from "Signs And Portents")
%%
"Three castes: Worker, Religious, Warrior. They build, you pray, *we* fight!" (Neroon)
%%
"To *be* the best, you have to *face* the best." (Walker Smith, from "TKO")
%%
"To quote a Human phrase, it gives me the screaming willies!" (Draal)
%%
"To see even one of them is a rare thing; to see more than one at a time... is considered a very *bad* omen." (Mollari, from "The Geometry Of Shadows")
%%
"Understanding is not required. Only obedience." (Delenn, from "A Distant Star")
%%
"Valen said this day would come. Who are we to stand in the way of prophecy?" (Delenn, from "Chrysalis")
%%
"Very sad life! Probably have... very sad death, but at least there is symmetry!" (Zathras)
%%
"Vir, I woke you! I'm sorry, I forgot the time difference there!" "Ah, it's-it's all right, I was... just about to get up, in... in about six hours, but..." (Mollari & Cotto)
%%
"Vir, intelligence has nothing to do with politics!" (Mollari)
%%
"We believe that no race can be truly intelligent without laughter. In temple, we spend one whole year just learning how to appreciate humor." (Delenn)
%%
"We have treaties!" "Ink on a page!" (Mollari & Refa)
%%
"Welcome back from the abyss, Sheridan." (Mollari)
%%
"Welcome to Babylon 5, the last, best hope for a quick buck!" (Ivanova)
%%
"Well, I trust her, as much as I trust any telepath, but she's still Psi Corps." (Garibaldi, from "Revelations")
%%
"Well, as my Chief of Security would say, that is a load of horse hockey!" (Sheridan, from "A Distant Star")
%%
"Well, as my great-grandfather used to say, cool!" (Sheridan)
%%
"Well, he's a Vorlon, all right!" "Yyep!" (Sheridan & Ivanova)
%%
"Well, the way things have been going lately... I've decided to start taking Ivanova lessons!" (Sheridan)
%%
"Well, then I'll say a prayer for him tonight." "He's agnostic." "Then I'll... say *half* a prayer." (Ivanova & Franklin, from "Points Of Departure")
%%
"Well, when I joined Earthforce, the sign said 'Greatest adventure of all'... Hm...If they only knew!.." (Sheridan)
%%
"Well... who wants to live forever?" "*I* do, actually! But what the hell!" (Ivanova & Cole)
%%
"Well?.." "... I-If kisses could kill, that one would have flattened several small towns!" (Lyndisty & Vir)
%%
"What am *I* supposed to do with them?!" "You're always saying the Centauri are an advanced race: you figure it out." (Mollari & Sinclair, from "The War Prayer")
%%
"What are you gonna do, mister Garibaldi, shove them out an airlock?" "... Don't tempt me." (Sinclair & Garibaldi, from "Grail")
%%
"What did I do this time?" "You don't remember?" "Well, I found that life is... in general... much easier... if I *forget* most of the things that happen to me." (Amis & Garibaldi, from "The Long Dark")
%%
"What do you want?" (Morden)
%%
"What else have I missed?" "Eh... The usual: the good times and the bad times, the revelations, the revolutions... outbreaks of hysteria, the parade of scandals, promises, constitutions, and the occasional war." (Mariah Cirrus & Franklin, from "The Long Dark")
%%
"What if he refuses?" "Then I hurt him." (Winters & Sinclair, from "Born To The Purple")
%%
"What is he teaching you today?" I'm not exactly sure. And I probably won't know any better even *after* the lesson!" (Ivanova & Sheridan)
%%
"What the hell kind of a Security Chief am I supposed to be if I can't see something like that?!" "You can't be expected to know everything!" "Yes, I can!" (Garibaldi & Franklin, from "The Geometry Of Shadows")
%%
"What's up, doc?" (Garibaldi, from "Revelations")
%%
"What?!?.. Oh, *God*! I'm out of it for a few days, the whole place goes to hell!" (Garibaldi, from "Revelations")
%%
"When he was finished, we recommended that he be *sterilized*, in the best interest of evolution." (Mollari)
%%
"When the Vorlon goes to ground, I worry!" (Ivanova)
%%
"When we asked Bester what level of physical threat this guy represents he said it was on a need-to-know basis." "You ask me right now, we need to know!" (Sinclair & Garibaldi, from "Mind War")
%%
"Where does revenge end and justice begin?" (Sheridan)
%%
"Whether it is a change for good or ill, no one can tell." (G'Kar)
%%
"Who are you going to hook up to the machine?" (Sheridan, from "Revelations")
%%
"Who? The Narn or the Centauri?" "Yes." (Sinclair & Naranek, from "Midnight On The Firing Line")
%%
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, easy, Jeff! He's trying to bait ya, and he's hoping you swallow it whole!" (Garibaldi, from "Eyes")
%%
"Why don't you take a break?" "Why don't you?!" "!.." "... Sir?" (Sheridan & Ivanova, from "A Distant Star")
%%
"Why else would they try to kill me?" "Is this a multiple-choice question?" (Bester & Ivanova)
%%
"Worst case of testosterone poisoning I've ever seen!" (Ivanova, from "A Voice In The Wilderness" Part II)
%%
"Would somebody please fix this thing before I go out of my mind?" (Garibaldi)
%%
"Yawn! God, I hate mornings!" "We noticed." (Ivanova & Sinclair, from "Babylon Squared")
%%
"Yeah, well... when the President calls it's... kinda hard to say no." (Sheridan, from "A Distant Star")
%%
"Yeah. If you ask me, we created our own monster, and maybe we deserve it." (Sheridan)
%%
"Yes, yes, look, what do you want?!" "That's what I was gonna ask you! What do you want?" (Mollari & Morden, from "Signs And Portents")
%%
"You are Ambassador Mollari?" "My dear lady, for you I will be... anyone you want me to be!" (Lyndisty & Mollari)
%%
"You are being cranky and difficult." "Yeah, well, you try getting shot in the back, some time, and see what it does for *your* disposition!" (Franklin & Garibaldi, from "The Geometry Of Shadows")
%%
"You are not ready for immortality." (Naranek, from "Deathwalker")
%%
"You can be of great service, Ambassador, if you... are willing to *dare* greatly." "You are talking to the Centauri who led the raid on Fralis 12. Granted, it was a long time ago, but perhaps it is time to return to old habits." (Draal & Mollari, from "A Voice In The Wilderness" Part II)
%%
"You can't do this!" "Watch me!" (Morden & Sheridan)
%%
"You do not understand. But you will." (Naranek)
%%
"You don't frighten easily!" "I work for Ambassador Mollari: after a while, nothing bothers you!" (Elric & Cotto, from "The Geometry Of Shadows")
%%
"You got a plan?" "Let's try not to get killed!" "Brilliant!" (Ivanova & Sheridan, from "The Long Dark")
%%
"You have been promoted! You'll earn more money, receive more attention, women may even come to find you attractive. In time." (Mollari)
%%
"You know how I feel about telepaths!" "Ha! Do I ever! You threw one out of a third-storey window, on Io!" "There was an ample pool below the window!" "I'll assume you knew that!" "..." (Ivanova & Sheridan)
%%
"You know, Vir, you have what the Earthers call a 'negative personality'." "No, I don't." "There, you see?" (Mollari & Cotto)
%%
"You know, if this keeps up, I'm gonna start thinking that people around here just don't like me!" (Bester)
%%
"You know... apart from the fascinating characters, incredible special effects, make-up, costumes, and music, there's one more thing that *really* separates this show from anything else around: its sense of *fun*." (Walter Koenig, from "The Making Of Babylon 5")
%%
"You know... back home we have an old saying: eat, drink and be married, for tomorrow we die!" "Hm!.. Humans can be a very depressing people!" (Sheridan & Delenn)
%%
"You look pretty good, for a dead man!" (Ivanova)
%%
"You ready?" "As ready as I'll *ever* be!" (Sheridan & Alexander)
%%
"You ready?" "No. But you may proceed anyway!" (Sheridan & Delenn)
%%
"You said something nice about me! I must write this down in my diary!" (Theo)
%%
"You should never hand someone a gun unless you're sure where they'll point it, your mistake." (Sinclair, from "By Any Means Necessary")
%%
"You snore." "No, I don't." "Yes, you do." "No - I don't." "Captain, either you snore or last night we had a *hell* of a breach in the hull!" (Ivanova & Sheridan)
%%
"You wanted to see me?" "Wanted to? Not really. But I guess I *have* to, don't I?" (Bester & Garibaldi)
%%
"You worry too much." "You don't worry enough." "Perfect combination." (Sakai & Sinclair, from "Mind War")
%%
"You're a vicious man." "I'm Head of Security: it's in the job description." (Ivanova & Garibaldi, from "The War Prayer")
%%
"You're having far too much fun at my expense! (Ivanova to God)
%%
"You're kidding!.. You're *not* kidding!" (Franklin)
%%
"You're nuts, you know that? You are! And-And I gotta be just as nuts sitting here talking about it at a time like this!" (Franklin)
%%
"You're the Security Chief: shouldn't you be out... securing something?" (Mollari)
%%
"You're young, Vir, you don't understand, but you will." (Mollari)
%%
"Your Ambassador Delenn has a wonderful phrase: 'Faith... manages'!" (Theo)
%%
"Your father used to say 'If regret could be harvested, Russia would be the world's fruit basket'." (Yossel Koslov, from "TKO")
%%
"Your first hangover. Enjoy it! I remember *my* first hangover... Well, actually that's not true: if I remembered it, it wouldn't be a real hangover!" (Mollari)
%%
"Your record is... hah... *colorful*, to say the least." (Sheridan, from "The Geometry Of Shadows")
%%
"Your timing, as always, is *quite* exceptional! Just in time to die!" (Mollari)
%%
"Your war... is now *my* war." (Bester)
%%
"Zog?.. W-What do you mean, 'Zog'?! 'Zog' what?! 'Zog' yes, 'zog' no?.." (Ivanova)
%%
BE-DE-BEEP. "Never fails." BEEP. "Garibaldi. What?" (Garibaldi, from "Chrysalis")
%%
ZAP! ZA-ZA-ZA-ZAP! ZAP! ZA-ZA-ZAP! ZA-ZAP! ZA-ZA-ZA-ZA-ZA-ZAP! ZAP! "... Well, that'll cut down on tourism!" (Epsilon Eridani III & Ivanova, from "A Voice In The Wilderness" Part I)
%%
"'Sfiga' e` il mio secondo nome. Il primo l'ho perso."
%%
"... Ho visto astronauti al ristorante chiedere il conto alla rovescia..."
%%
"... ebius tagline. This is a Moebius tagline. This is a Mo..."
%%
"3 cose succedono quando invecchi: 1) la tua memoria se ne va; 2) uh... um..."
%%
"3 things happen as you age: 1) your memory goes; 2) uh... um..."
%%
"999": skydiving Beast
%%
"A.A.A. Complesso musicale sicuro successo cerca batteria, altrimenti il pulmino non parte."
%%
"A.A.A. Disposto chiudere un occhio cerca ciclope."
%%
"A.A.A. Equilibrista cerca impiego stabile."
%%
"A.A.A. Nano offresi esperto colpi bassi."
%%
"A.A.A. Signore con braccio piu` corto dell'altro cerca posto da orologio."
%%
"A.A.A. Signore con prepuzio fosforescente offresi per ricerche ginecologia."
%%
"A.A.A. Signore con tic conoscerebbe signorina con tac per fare vita sincrona."
%%
"A.A.A. Specialista internazionale addestra gatti guida per ciechi amanti della vita notturna e levrieri da corsa per ciechi che hanno fretta."
%%
"A.A.A. Trielina cerca caffe` macchiato."
%%
"A.A.A. Uomo Ragno cerca insetticida."
%%
"A.A.A. Uomo senza gambe e senza braccia accetterebbe impiego come fermacarte."
%%
"A.A.A. Vampiro cerca purosangue."
%%
"A.A.A. Vitalizio cercasi per vita all'ozio."
%%
"Abbaino": verso del chihuahua
%%
"Abbattere": classica risposta di una prostituta a cui chiedono "Dove stai andando?"
%%
"Abbecedario": espressione di sollievo di chi si accorge che c'e` anche Dario
%%
"Abbiamo praticamente di tutto sul nostro menu." "Vedo. Me ne puo` portare uno pulito?"
%%
"Abelardo": grasso fratello di Caino
%%
"Acanto": pianta situata nelle immediate vicinanze
%%
"Accozzaglia": gruppo di ragazze dall'aspetto poco gradevole
%%
"Aculeo": persona priva del posteriore
%%
"Aerofagia": fenomeno caratteristico della zona di Ustica
%%
"Aho', Biancane', come stai?" "'Na favola!"
%%
"Aia": spiazzo in cui e` facile farsi male
%%
"Alano": cane di cui e` certo almeno un particolare anatomico
%%
"Allora? C'e`... C'e` vita su Marte?.." "Bah, guardate, di sabato e domenica sera si, ma il resto della settimana e` proprio un mortorio!"
%%
"Alluce": parte anatomica utilizzata solitamente per trovare i mobili al buio
%%
"Amba Aradam": localita` Etiope in prossimita` del Cicci` Cocco`
%%
"Ammainare": incominciare a scrivere un programma in C
%%
"Amplificatore": apparecchio per ingrandire le parti intime femminili
%%
"Anafilattico": profilattico per rapporti anali
%%
"Anagrafico": disegnatore di chiappe
%%
"Analisi comparata": ricerca con sfilata di carri alla fine
%%
"Analogico": culo intelligente
%%
"Anamnesi": fenomeno a causa del quale ci si dimentica di avere il culo
%%
"Anatomico": culo radioattivo
%%
"Antefatto": colui che un tempo si drogava, ma ora non piu`
%%
"Apparecchio": elettrodomestico per preparare la tavola
%%
"Appendicite": apparecchio usato da Tarzan per appendere le scimmie
%%
"Articolazione": pasto del mattino a base di braccia e gambe
%%
"Assillo": scuola materna sarda
%%
"Aula magna": mensa (gergale)
%%
"Autoclave": armi automatiche dell'eta` della pietra
%%
"Autorizzazione": erezione spontanea
%%
"Avvoltoio": uccello arrotolato
%%
"Azoto": ultima lettera dell'alfaboto
%%
"Baal": dio pagano protettore dei testicoli
%%
"Babbuccia": padre gay
%%
"Baccanale": frutto selvatico usato una volta come supposta
%%
"Balalaica": testicolo anticlericale
%%
"Banconota": denaro cartaceo che gode di vasta fama
%%
"Barone": casse da morto per salme corpulente
%%
"Battistrada": prostituta (gergale)
%%
"Beone": essere il numero uno
%%
"Bergamo": citta` abitata per meta` da bergamaschi e per meta` da bergafemmine
%%
"Bidet": detto due volte
%%
"Bieco": doppio fenomeno di riflessione del suono
%%
"Bigodino": doppio orgasmo
%%
"Biscazziere": persona sessualmente molto dotata
%%
"Bitume": accozzaglia di segnali logici
%%
"Boa": serpente in vacanza al mare
%%
"Buonasera. C'e` una variazione nei programmi di oggi: il film 'Viaggio nel tempo' verra` trasmesso ieri."
%%
"Cacao": lassativo brasiliano
%%
"Cachemire": andare di corpo con precisione (francesismo)
%%
"Cacofonia": flatulenza, meteorismo
%%
"Calabrone": grosso abitante di Cosenza
%%
"Calamari": molluschi responsabili della bassa marea
%%
"Calippo": gelato per studentesse di lingue
%%
"Camera iperbarica": enorme magazzino di pompe funebri
%%
"Canonico": parte essenziale del televisore (tubo canonico)
%%
"Cappuccetto Rosso": profilattico sovietico
%%
"Casotto": abitazione per otto persone; quando e` per sette diventa un "cassetto"
%%
"Catafalco": catauccello catarapace
%%
"Catalessi": Catalani condannati alla pentola a pressione
%%
"Cellulite": patologia da detenzione
%%
"Cemento armato": calcestruzzo di leva
%%
"Cerbottana": cervo femmina di facili costumi
%%
"Ci siamo fatti in quattro, per voi!.. Ci hanno dato sei mesi a testa, due anni in tutto..."
%%
"Ciambellano": colui che ha il piu` bel buco di culo del reame
%%
"Ciclopropano": GPL per biciclette
%%
"Ciclopropene": bicicletta del cazzo
%%
"Cincilla`": brindisi distante
%%
"Citofono": scimpanze` musicale
%%
"Clamoroso, signore e signori! Ha mancato la piscina di mezzo metro! Qualcuno ha un cachet?"
%%
"Cojone": uno preciso, uno che ce coje
%%
"Colonia penale": detergente intimo maschile
%%
"Come va, Cantor?" "Nell'insieme, bene."
%%
"Come va, Darwin?" "Eh, ci si adatta..."
%%
"Come va, Einstein?" "Rispetto a chi?"
%%
"Come va, Fermi?" "O la va o la spacca!"
%%
"Come va, Filippide?" "... Puf... Puf..."
%%
"Come va, Freud?" "Dica lei."
%%
"Come va, Gandhi?" "L'appetito non manca."
%%
"Come va, Heisenberg?" "Dipende..."
%%
"Come va, Kafka?" "Mi sento un verme!"
%%
"Come va, Leonardo?" (Leonardo si limita a sorridere ambiguamente...)
%%
"Come va, Maometto?" "Male, vado in montagna..."
%%
"Come va, Matusalemme?" "Tiro a campare..."
%%
"Come va, Occam?" "Male, non trovo il sapone da barba!"
%%
"Come va, Orlando?" "Scusi, vado di furia!"
%%
"Come va, Paganini?" "L'ho gia' detto!"
%%
"Come va, Rubbia?" "Come fisico, bene."
%%
"Come va, Spielberg?" "Bene, E.T.?"
%%
"Come va, Stakanov?" "Non vedo l'ora che arrivi ferragosto!"
%%
"Come va, Ungaretti?" "Bene, grazie."
%%
"Compromessa": donna dedita al commercio di funzioni religiose
%%
"Comunione": collegamento di due porte seriali di PC
%%
"Coniglio": animale che partorisce di notte ("la notte porta coniglio")
%%
"Contorsionista": ebreo arrotolato
%%
"Convento": monastero esposto e frequenti correnti d'aria
%%
"Coreografo": studioso delle mappe della Corea
%%
"Cos'e` peggio: l'ignoranza o l'apatia? Chi lo sa... Chi se ne importa..."
%%
"Crdonna": femmina der cromo
%%
"Credenza popolare": armadio economico
%%
"Crepitio": bestemmia tedesca
%%
"Crociate": violenti colpi dati col Crocifisso
%%
"Culatta": omosessuale (gergale)
%%
"Culinaria": associazione Paracadutisti Gay
%%
"Culinaria": circolo di aviatori gay
%%
"Culminare": fare uso di supposte esplosive
%%
"Culturismo": viaggio di piacere di una supposta
%%
"Depilare": togliere le pile (v. "compilare")
%%
"Deragliare": 1. uscire dalle rotaie facendo il verso dell'asino; 2. zittire gli asini
%%
"Dev'essere un colpo di sole!"
%%
"Diramazione": potatura dei rami di un albero
%%
"Disperato": colui che ha finito le dosi
%%
"Disputare": litigare tirandosi dei catarri
%%
"Dissentire": defecare liquido
%%
"Diva": imposta sul valore aggiunto che grava sulle professioniste dello spettacolo
%%
"Do steam rollers really roll steam?"
%%
"Do you speak English?" "No, I don't."
%%
"Dodecagono": figura piana di 12 lati nei cui 12 angoli vanno di corpo 12 persone
%%
"Doping": pratica anglosassone del rimandare a piu` tardi
%%
"Dottore, nessuno mi degna di considerazio-" "Avanti un'altro!"
%%
"E che e`, veleno???" (Matusalemme)
%%
"Ed ora, trasmettiamo il thriller del secolo. L'assassino e` il maggiordomo."
%%
"Editing is a rewording activity."
%%
"Ehi, guardate chi c'e`: il Gatto e la Volpe!"
%%
"Encefalo": eccitata esclamazione di pescatore romano quando tira su la canna e vede il pesce
%%
"Equidistanti": cavalli in lontananza
%%
"Equilibrista": bibliotecario dei cavalli
%%
"Equinozio": cavallo che non lavora
%%
"Errare": pronunciare la lettera 'R'
%%
"Erroneo": piccola macchia della pelle in un punto sbagliato
%%
"Escursione termica": gita in montagna quando fa molto caldo
%%
"Esistono 3 tipi di persone: quelli che sanno contare e quelli che no."
%%
"Esterrefatto": drogato non nazionale
%%
"Esteso": uomo orientale nevrotico
%%
"Estrazioni dell'otto. Otto. Otto. Otto. Otto. Otto."
%%
"Eufrate": monaco mesopotamico
%%
"Facinorosa": donna con il viso rosso chiaro
%%
"Fahrenheit": tirar tardi la notte
%%
"Fallimentare": dare colpi col mento sull'uccello o viceversa
%%
"Fantascienza": aranciata spaziale
%%
"Fantasma": malattia dell'apparato respiratorio che colpisce i consumatori di aranciata
%%
"Farisei": gruppo ottico costituito da anabbaglianti, abbaglianti e fendinebbia
%%
"Farmacista": imitare la moglie di Maciste
%%
"Fedina penale": piccolo anello da mettere attorno al pisello
%%
"Fenicottero:" uccello che vola ruotando le ali
%%
"Fiaccola": torcia assai moscia
%%
"Fidanzato": individuo in amore che riesce a ottenere un prestito bancario esibendosi in un balletto
%%
"Finta": arincita d'Arincia
%%
"Focaccia": foca brutta e cattiva
%%
"Fonetica": disciplina che regola il comportamento degli asciugacapelli
%%
"Fontana": nascondiglio per caratteri True Type
%%
"Forbici": bicicletta inglese per quattro persone
%%
"Formaggio": mese che precede il Forgiugno
%%
"Formichieri": insetti che si incazzano il giorno prima
%%
"Fracasso": monaco veneto con un uccello di enormi dimensioni
%%
"Fracasso": monaco veneto con un uccello di enormi dimensioni
%%
"Fregata": unita` navale sottratta al nemico
%%
"Fregata": unità navale sottratta al nemico
%%
"Frombola centripeta": arma primitiva per autolesionisti
%%
"Fronteggiare": prendere a testate
%%
"Fuoco!" WHOOSH! "NON COL LANCIAFIAMME, IDIOTA!!!!"
%%
"Furetto": culo morto
%%
"Gabbiano": volatile dal culo imprigionato
%%
"Gelosia": sentimento violento, molto diffuso fra gli esquimesi
%%
"Genitori": il contrario di "tontemucche"
%%
"Gestazione": gravidanza di moglie di ferroviere
%%
"Ghohhafe, hohhehieheahahhiae?" "Non capisco un tubo, togliti il pollice dalla bocca!"
%%
"Ginestra": pianta che cresce sulle tapparelle
%%
"Giorno siderale:" periodo in cui si sta senza mutande, col culo alla luce
%%
"Giroscopio": esplosione a 360 gradi
%%
"Giubbotto": esplosione al piano di sotto
%%
"Giuliva": slogan di chi e` vessato dall'Imposta sul Valore Aggiunto
%%
"Giumenta": bibita tenuta in cantina
%%
"Giungla": foresta tropicale in discesa
%%
"Gniska, Gniska!"
%%
"Guarda, papa`! Ci ho messo un sacco, ma ho tirato fuori tutto il nastro dalla cassetta!"
%%
"Gufo": rapace notturno non identificato
%%
"Guttalax": la goccia che fa traboccare il vaso
%%
"Hardware": le parti di un computer che possono essere prese a calci
%%
"Hi!" "Hei!" "Ahi..." (-: lo Statunitense, il Giapponese e l'Italiano :-)
%%
"Ho un complesso di superiorita`. Ma poi che lo dico a fare a voi, che non capite un cazzo?.."
%%
"I capelli li vuole indietro?" "No, no, se li tenga pure."
%%
"If you can hear with your ears, why can't you heye with your eyes?"
%%
"Igloo": rumore di un Eschimese che affoga
%%
"Immensa": colei che si trova in refettorio
%%
"In quanto a finezza non ce lo butta in culo nessuno!!!"
%%
"Incavolarsi": buttarsi in un campo di cavoli
%%
"Incubatrice": macchina fabbricatrice di sogni terribili
%%
"Indostano": "dove li hanno messi?" (gergale)
%%
"Inserirsi": adombrarsi, farsi seri
%%
"Integrale": sommatoria indiscreta
%%
"Interpretato": posto tra due preti
%%
"Intimare": confezionare mutande e reggiseni
%%
"Ippogrifo": scivolone equino
%%
"Islam": rumore provocato da un ceffone di Maometto
%%
"L'amore e` una malattia e, come tale, si cura andando a letto."
%%
"L'ultima fregnaccia della FIAT: la Punto G."
%%
"L'uomo e` fatto di polvere e piu` c'e` polvere, piu` e` fatto."
%%
"La Magistratura indaga sui manicomi. Sono state riscontrate parecchie deficienze."
%%
"Latitanti": poligoni con molte facce
%%
"Lavanda gastrica": profumo a base di vomito
%%
"Le stelle sono taante, milioni di miliooni, c'hai rotto li co..."
%%
"Logorrea": malattia venerea che si contrae parlando troppo
%%
"Lord": signore inglese molto sporco
%%
"Ma i primi cinque San Giovanni dove si trovano?"
%%
"Ma i prodotti della terra godono della proprieta` commutativa?"
%%
"Mai": indicativo presente del verbo "mare" (io mo, tu mai, egli ma...)
%%
"Manolo, free-climber: con lui c'e` Sector. Manolo, che ore sono?" "Le quattro e dIEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..."
%%
"Maschilista": elenco di persone di sesso maschile
%%
"Mastice": crostaceo estremamente appiccicoso
%%
"Menage a trois": imprecazione parigina (trad.: "Mannaggia alla troia")
%%
"Menage:" rissa (francesismo)
%%
"Mi scusi, a che ora deraglia il treno per Milano?"
%%
"Mi senti?" "No."
%%
"Micrometro a pelo di pulce": strumento per misure infime, da cani
%%
"Miglio": unita` di misura di lunghezza per canarini
%%
"Mignatta": sanguisuga di facili costumi
%%
"Minimalista": elenco molto breve
%%
"Mio Diodo, mi pentodo dei miei peccatodi!"
%%
"Moneta": piantagione veneta di passere
%%
"Mortaio:" cannone che spara a salme
%%
"NON VEDO PIU` GNENTE! NON VEDO PIU` GNENTE!" "Levete 'r secchio da 'a testa!.."
%%
"Nauseabondo": vagabondo in preda a conati di vomito
%%
"Neolaureato": punto nero della pelle che ha fatto l'universita`
%%
"Neurone": grande clinica psichiatrica
%%
"Nientepopodimeno": lassativo molto, molto potente
%%
"Ninfomane": termine con il quale un uomo definisce una donna che ha voglia di fare sesso piu` spesso di lui
%%
"Nomade": indica che non e' stato fatto nel luogo specificato (es.:nomade in Italy)
%%
"Non siamo soli. Se lo fossimo, la Terra non sarebbe altro che un mucchietto di cenere."
%%
"Non so se mi spiego, come disse il paracadute."
%%
"Nonno": negazione convinta
%%
"Novantenne": radioamatore superdotato (vedi anche "ottantenne", "settantenne", ecc.)
%%
"Obiettore": ottico fabbricante di obiettivi; se particolarmente serio, e` "obiettore di coscienza"
%%
"Oooh, ecco! Si era bruciato un chip dell'interfaccia. Devo cambiarlo, passami la chiave inglese."
%%
"Operaio si trancia il braccio destro. I Carabinieri indagano sul sinistro."
%%
"Opossum": marsupiale americano possibilista
%%
"Ordine monastico": sindacato autonomo delle prostitute venete
%%
"Organigrammi": unita` di misura del peso delle viscere
%%
"Orsu`": esortazione rivolta ad un plantigrado che batte la fiacca
%%
"Oscilloscopio": vedi "vibratore"
%%
"Ottemperare": fare la punta 8 volte alla matita
%%
"Ottone": numero che sta fra il settone e il novone
%%
"Ovipari": animali che depongono le uova solo in numero pari
%%
"Palafitta": intenso dolore al testicolo
%%
"Palafitta": intenso dolore al testicolo
%%
"Palle da golf": disagio caratteristico di chi presta la propria autovettura
%%
"Pangrattato": pagnotta ottenuta poco lecitamente
%%
"Papa`, ma i drogati sono fatti come noi?" "Nooo, di piu`, di piu`..."
%%
"Papa`, papa`, guarda, l'aereo decolla!" "Macche' dde colla, e` dde fero!"
%%
"Paparazzo": missile vaticano
%%
"Paparazzo": pontefice a reazione
%%
"Parigino": "Sembri Luigi" in romanesco
%%
"Pediluvio": consistente caduta di piedi puliti dal cielo
%%
"Pendio": bestemmia in discesa
%%
"Penetrazione": atto del tirare l'uccello
%%
"Perdonare": dare in regalo una dose di droga
%%
"Piove sul giusto e piove anche sull'ingiusto, ma sul giusto piove di piu`, perche' l'ingiusto gli ruba l'ombrello."
%%
"Pollicino": piccola gallina
%%
"Polpaccio": polipo estremamente antipatico
%%
"Postazione": stazione ferroviaria prospiciente il fiume Po
%%
"Potenzia il tuo destro: abbonati a Playboy!"
%%
"Pregare": allenamenti prima delle competizioni sportive
%%
"Presuntuosa": stretta di mano del meccanico
%%
"Preterintenzionale": un prete che lo fa apposta
%%
"Preterintenzionale": un prete che lo fa apposta
%%
"Prevedo che lei fara` molta strada, in questa nostra azienda." "Si, papa`."
%%
"Prevenire": soffrire di eiaculazione precoce
%%
"Prima di avviare la bocca, assicurarsi che il cervello sia inserito." (cartello in una scuola guida)
%%
"Profilattico": mansarda in puro lattice naturale
%%
"Profiterol": magnaccia parigino
%%
"Pub": tipico locale inglese ricoperto di peli
%%
"Put knot yore trust inn spel chequers."
%%
"Quadriglia": pesce a quattro pinne; si distingue dalla triglia che ne ha tre, dalla biglia che ne ha due e dalla maniglia che ne ha una
%%
"Qucneiciuw hfiuhennc kaiiemnmcu Coca Cola." "'Na lattina de che?" (straniero e barista)
%%
"Radiare": colpire violentemente usando una radio
%%
"Rampollo": memoria volatile a base di gallina
%%
"Rarefatto": colui che si droga ogni tanto
%%
"Razzista": fabbricatore di missili
%%
"Rendiamo grazie a Bio." "Bio?!?" "Si, Bio: L'unico dio biodegradabile!" (da "Popi Popi")
%%
"Rettili": animali che stanno sempre dritti
%%
"Ribelle": vecchie sessantenni dopo il lifting
%%
"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before."
%%
"Rigoroso": giocatore di calcio che compie parecchi falli in area
%%
"Rimembrare": operazione chirurgica consistente nel riattacco del pene
%%
"Rin Tin Tin:" rumore di cane che cade per le scale
%%
"Rinculo": sodomia recidiva
%%
"Rombo": figura geometrica dal rumore caratteristico
%%
"Roses are red, violets are blue, I am schizofrenic, and I am, too."
%%
"Saccaromiceti": gattini immersi nello zucchero
%%
"Salmastro": stella morta
%%
"Sancita": scimpanze` in Paradiso
%%
"Sanguinolento": persona che ha una circolazione molto lenta
%%
"Saracinesca": trappola per musulmani
%%
"Saxon": klaxon inglese a fiato
%%
"Scorfano": brutto pesce che ha perduto i genitori
%%
"Scultura": mancanza di istruzione
%%
"Sedicente": un po' meno che diciassettente
%%
"Seduta fiume": prolungato attacco diarroico
%%
"Settimanale": supposta da infilarsi dopo le prime sei
%%
"Sfiatato": licenziato da una nota casa automobilistica torinese
%%
"Siamo alle sogliole del Duemila."
%%
"Signore e signori, e` il vostro Comandante che vi parla. Stiamo per precipitare."
%%
"Sincero": romano che si duole di essere stato presente (es: sincero eramejo)
%%
"Smottamento": furto di merendine
%%
"Sommario": indicativo presente del verbo "essere Mario"
%%
"Sovrano": buco del culo del re
%%
"Sperimentare": togliere la menta dalle pere
%%
"Spinotto": spinquattro + spinquattro
%%
"Stampante a margherita:" stampante a getto di pomodoro e mozzarella
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"StavoltacelafaccioStavoltacelafaccioStavoltac-"
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"Sterzare": sottomultiplo di squartare
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"Strabismo": superlativo assoluto di "bismo"
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"Stradivari": bivio stradale con molti collegamenti
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"Strafottente": dicesi di persona dalle grandi qualita` amatorie
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"Strafottente": dicesi di persona di grandi qualità amatorie
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"Supremazia": parente stretta dotata di enormi poteri
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"Tacchino": parte della scarpina
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"Tantalio": elemento chimico dall'alito cattivo
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"Temerario": colui che ha paura del fisco
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"Tenore di vita": cantante lirico di facili costumi
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"There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't."
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"Ti ritiri, tu?" "Taratarata`?"
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"Toponomastica:" scienza che studia le ragioni per cui il ratto ingoia intero il cibo
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"Torio": elemento chimico non raro nelle arene
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"Trentaseo": si risponde a chi chiede "Sei Perseo?"
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"Turbolenza": accessorio per la pesca veloce
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"Tvovato il vimedio pev la 'evve moscia' - Due settimane di sciacqui con una soluzione di Viagva e il pvoblema scompave"
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"Uccide la moglie a cornate. Sconosciuti i motivi del folle gesto."
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"Udienza": dono dell'udito (vedi "sentenza")
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"Udire": pronunciare la lettera 'U'
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"Ufficio": luogo dove si sbuffa
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"Unicorno": tradito solo parzialmente
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"Vado bene per la Madonna?" "Per Dio, sembri Coppi!" (ciclista & passante)
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"Vecchioni da ragazzo si chiamava Jovanotti?"
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"Vedova": moglie del vedovo
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"Verdetto": cosmetico verde (a differenza del rossetto che e` rosso)
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"Vermouth": animalouth che strisciouth
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"Which is worse: ignorance or apathy? Who knows... Who cares..."
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"Yomo Sapiens": latticino senziente
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"Zelo": cinese di poco conto, ma che si da` molto da fare
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"Zenone": filosofo greco che cercava invano di colpire il tallone d'Achille con una tartaruga (vedi "paradosso di Zenone")
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"Zingarelli": piccolo dizionario in CD-Rom
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"Zizzania": malattia della mammella
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"Zola": noto scrittore, inventore del formaggio Gorgon
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"Zona disco": parcheggio per gli UFO
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"succede che ?Ma cavolo"
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"y=ax^2+bx+c." "A' Gesu`, e mo' c'hai stufato, co' 'ste parabbole!"
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Radio Dimensione Tuono, la radio preferita di Thor!
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Trasduttore fotonico ad effetto Joule: "lampadina"
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"Aspetti! Potrebbe essere pericoloso!.. Vada avanti lei!" (Igor)
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"CONTO, PREGO!!!" (Stella Solitaria & Rutto)
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"Come sei buono, Pizza!" (Vincenzino)
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"Come si chiama?" "Chi." "Beh, lui." "Chi." "Ma lui, Capo!" "Chi! Si chiama Chi!" "Oh." (Smart & il Capo)
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"Diventera` molto popolare!" (Igor)
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"Eccululi`!" (Igor)
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"Faccio del mio meglio, Signore!" (Stronzo)
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"Fatemiuscirefatemiusciretiratemisubitofuoridiqui!" (F. Frankenstein)
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"He's going down there. I wouldn't." (Barf)
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"I can't breathe in this thing!!" (Dark Helmet)
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"I see your Schwarz is as big as mine!" (Dark Helmet)
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"Lock 1... lock 2... lock 3... *Lock Ness*!!" (Snotty)
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"Lupu ulula` e castellu ululi`!" (Igor)
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"Mai visti due cosi`!" (F. Frankenstein)
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"Non lo facciamo solo per quei soldi, ma per quella *montagna* di soldi!" (Stella Solitaria)
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"Presto, dategli il... Presto, dategli il..." (F. Frankenstein)
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"Sei una vera Palla Spaziale! Diro di piu`: un paio di Palle Spaziali!" (Nunziatella)
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"Sono finiti nella Zona Plaid!" (Stella Solitaria)
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"Sta andando li` sotto. Io non lo farei." (Rutto)
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"Velocita` smodata! Ora!!" (Casco Nero)
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"E piantala, che mi fai aria!" (Bud Spencer)
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"Vattene, trifolapalle!" (Wilbur Walsh (Bud Spencer))
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"... altrimenti che altro puo` significare l'ingegneria genetica?" "... che le case vengono su da sole senza i muratori..." (Roberta & Quelo)
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"A stare sempre in pista raddoppia la mia vista!" (Alexia)
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"Abbiamo praticamente di tutto sul nostro menu." "Vedo. Me ne puo` portare uno pulito?"
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"Ah, quindi e` possibile? Si possono portare i soldi nell'Aldila`? Ma e` proprio sicuro?" "Si, ma costa l'ira di Dio di tasse." (Dandini & Quelo)
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"Alle volte penso, altre volte rifletto, rifletto. Altre volte... butto giu` appunti... Scrivo!.. O meglio, o meglio, *detto* a chi sa scrivere..." (Pravettoni)
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"Apro la mia mente, ma non mi ricordo niente!" (Alexia)
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"Arrivederci! Codice fiscale: 'RRVDRC'!" (Salvi)
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"Buonasera. Benche' abbia scoperto che esistere nuoce alla mia immagine, sono qua!" (Frattale)
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"Buonasera... La sua religione ammette l'esistenza dell'inconscio?" "Si, ma solo in sogno... Altre telefonate?" (Bruno & Quelo)
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"Chi dubita della mia virilita` dovra` vedersela con mia madre!" (C. Guzzanti)
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"Chiudi il tuo pensiero, ti senti piu` vero!" (Alexia)
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"Ciao, bastardi!" (il terrore di Quarto Oggiaro)
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"Come sapete, la fotosintesi e` il processo col quale le piante usano la luce del sole per creare il proprio cibo. Di notte, invece, devono ordinare una pizza come tutti gli altri." (Fontecedro)
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"Con tutti gli occhi addosso mi sbatto a piu` non posso!" (Alexia)
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"Conosci te stesso (e non rompere il cazzo a me)." (C. Guzzanti)
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"Cosmico!" (Fontecedro)
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"Di solito Elisabetta la si tromba in bicicletta!" (Uguccione)
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"Dicevano un sacco di fesserie, parlavano-parlavano a vanvera!.. Tutte cose che gia` faccio io, in azienda!" (Pravettoni)
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"Dunque, l'ultima cosa che ho letto... Si! Si, l'elastico delle mutande! Una cosa che mi ha lasciato anche un segno!" (Pravettoni)
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"E vabbe', volevo partecipare!" (Cogliandro)
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"End uot is dis? Ai dont nou." (Flanagan)
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"Francesca la si tromba prima che esca!" (Uguccione)
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"Guardi, guardi, guardi, nel tempo libero, io... di solito cago!" (Pravettoni)
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"Ho sentito parlare di complotto, ma chi mai puo` avere interesse a eliminare una regina?" "Forse l'alfiere." (Carola & Quelo)
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"In un attimo tutta la mia vita mi e` passata davanti. L'audio era pessimo." (C. Guzzanti)
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"Io ho una coppia di canarini." "Io ho un full di gatti." (i clonati)
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"L'allodola si difende frullando le piume. Io con la pistola. Ho provato a frullare le piume, ma non andava." (Frattale)
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"La seconda che hai detto."
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"Lascialo." "Tutto qui? E questa sarebbe la soluzione al mio problema?" "No, al suo... Altre telefonate?" (Quelo & Germana)
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"Lei e` un ipocrita!" "No, io sono un Messia e porto la parola... Pronto?" (Dandini & Quelo)
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"M'illumino d'immenso, ma solo se non penso!" (Alexia)
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"Ma andiamo... Qui parliamo di milioni di bestioni grandi come case... Per quanto fosse grande questo meteorite come puo` averli ammazzati tutti?" "Beh, magari erano allergici..." (Sergio & Quelo)
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"Pensate: un tipo in Texas ha inventato una vernice che, se la pennelli sul sesso, quando si asciuga diventa un profilattico! ... Non e` tanto dare la vernice che mi preoccupa, e` dare prima la carta vetrata!" (P. M. Lippi)
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"Per esempio... se Cristo suonasse oggi alla sua porta, lei lo riconoscerebbe?" "Certo..." "Come puo` esserne cosi` sicuro?" "Il citofono e` rotto da due anni." (Vera & Quelo)
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"Pronto? Secondo lei ha ancora senso sperare nel futuro?" "No, tanto vale sperare da subito... Altre telefonate?" (Luisa & Quelo)
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"Pronto?.. Lei crede che si possa leggere il proprio destino nelle carte?" "Beh, dipende da quanto ti stai giocando..." (Dolores & Quelo)
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"Pronto?.. Secondo lei e` possibile spostare gli oggetti con il pensiero?" "Certo, basta che poi li rimetti a posto. Altre telefonate?" (Fabio & Quelo)
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"Pronto?.. Secondo lei e` possibile spostare gli oggetti con il pensiero?" "Certo, basta che poi li rimetti a posto. Altre telefonate?" (Fabio & Quelo)
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"Questo e` uno dei tuoi soliti studipi dipinti astratti?" "Veramente quello e' uno specchio."
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"Senta, ma perche' il Giorno del Giudizio Universale dovremo rientrare tutti nei nostri vecchi corpi?" "Eh, perche' se ognuno si mette a sceglierselo facciamo notte! Altre telefonate?" (Fabiola & Quelo)
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"Senta, ma secondo la religione di Quelo e` giusto usare sempre il preservativo per non avere figli?" "No, solo durante il rapporto." (Nicola & Quelo)
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"Ma il sesso e' diverso prima e dopo il matrimonio?" "No, il sesso non dev'essere diverso prima e dopo il matrimonio! Se io mi sposo e sono di sesso maschile, non e' che dopo che mi sposo divento di sesso femminile!" (Quelo)
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"Si dice il peccato, non la cifra." (C. Guzzanti)
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"Tutti mi considerano un falso, un bugiardo, un mentitore..." "Ma non raccontarmi balle! Altre telefonate?" (Sandro & Quelo)
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"Una ricerca ha dimostrato che non conviene andare a far spesa al supermercato a digiuno, perche' si finisce sempre per comprare troppe cose. Questo e` il motivo per cui non entro mai in un sexy-shop." (P. M. Lippi)
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"Clarvoyants meeting canceled due to unforeseen events."
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"Il raduno dei chiaroveggenti e` stato cancellato a causa di eventi imprevisti."
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"Are you the police?" "No, ma'am. We're musicians." (Tarantino & E. Blues)
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"Un fiorino!"
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"Si', lo so, sono scemo." (Luigi Rosa, dalla mailing list Hypertrek Staff, Message-ID: <14475908906.20030208200543@mail.hypertrek.info>)
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"... quindi, derivando rispetto alla temperatura assoluta al quadrato, possiamo trovare il punto d'equilibrio." "Ma dde che, aho, ma sta' ' ggioca` 'r Turbopanico!" (il prof & Petroni :-)
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"Tesoruccioooo... Dove sei, tesoruccio?.. Tesorucciooo!.." "Capitano, aiuto! La prego, mi salvi! CAPITAANOOOOO!!!..." (-: Flora dei Borg & Data :-)
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"Sei gia` morto!" (Kenshiro)
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"Uaaa-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta... TAAAA!" (-: Kenshiro a 33600 :-)
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"Dev'essere una gran bella penetrazione!" (Tuckleberry)
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"... qualcosa di meraviglioso... verrete tutti assimilati." (-: Bowman of Borg :-)
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"I'm Commander William Riker, of the Federation starship Enterprise." "Right. What you doin' here?" (-: Riker & Garibaldi :-)
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"If something can go wrong, it lliw."
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"Io, er... si, io sono... uhm, sono il... beh, si, insomma, io sono, ehm... il migliore in... in quello che... faccio..." (-: Barclay :-)
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"La presi e te la pagai!" (Magnotta)
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"Ma Sherlock Watson che lavoro faceva?.."
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"Mannaggia la *******!" (Magnotta)
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"... to explore strange, new worlds, to avoid the Romulans, to seek out new lifeforms and new civilizations..."
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I say, put Schroedinger in the box and see how *HE* likes it.
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"If you see this blue, you're going too fast!" (red sticker behind an astronomer's car)
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"Il prozio e` il padre dei trizi."
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"Io makes Dante's Inferno seem like another day in Paradise." (Dr. Alfred McEwen of the University of Arizona, Tucson, a member of the Galileo imaging team)
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Ma se nello spazio profondo serve la tuta, in quello vicino bastano solo le pinne?
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Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
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"Hai aperto la parente? Chiudila." (Toto`)
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"*Medical* tricorder!" (E.M.H.P.)
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"*Splendid!* Splendid, Captain! You're a veritable *fountain* of good ideas!" (Q, from "Encounter at Farpoint") 9:06
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"*That's* why you came to me! Isn't it, Captain?! Because you knew I could do those things that you weren't *capable* of doing!" (Garak, from "In The Pale Moonlight")
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"... *Marvelous!* How easily Humans do that! I still need much practice." (Data, from "Encounter at Farpoint") 53:15
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"... *Why*... do you use other lifeforms for your recreation?" "If so, you've not provided the best." (Picard & Q, from "Encounter at Farpoint") 1:24:55
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"Mi sono sb-... Mi sono sb-..." (Fonzarelli)
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"Sfizzero?" "Si." "Er..."
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"Cazzi la gomena!" "... Cazzo?" "Cazzi, cazzi!" (-: ??? & Fantozzi :-)
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"Detta così, sembra una notizia degna del più sonoro dei vostri sbadigli, ma resistete: per aiutarvi nell'impresa, vi preannuncio che questa storia include anche un faccia a faccia fra Bill Gates e un preservativo da due metri e quaranta." (Paolo Attivissimo, da "Microsoft diventa 'open'? Tutta una finta", http://www.apogeonline.com/webzine/2003/01/07/01/200301070101)
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"If Bill Gates had a dime for every time a windows box crashed... Oh, wait: he does!"
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"Opponents criticize any process or technology controlled by a single company that may have ulterior motives - especially when that company is Microsoft." (Robert Lemos, from "Security technologies could backfire against consumers", http://news.com.com/2009-1001-964628.html?tag=fd_lede1_hed)
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"Windows e` 'na scheggia!" "Si, sotto l'unghia!"
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"Dyslexia cure for found"
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"Ho persino gli occhi di mio padre, guarda." "Topper, ma che schifo!" (Topper Harley & Ramada Thompson)
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